Sunday, November 08, 2009

Alphabet soup

This post is intended to be my worst post ever.I am hoping your criticisms will make me give up writing for good.

A-Alphabet soup
B-Baghdad in a coup
C-Catalans in a mess
D-De Caprio craze
E-Empathize with me
G-Gestapo on my back
H-Hiroshima got whacked
I-Indo-China ties
J-Jurassic Park fries
K-Katrina sizzles
L-Luca Toni fizzles
M-Messidona soars
N-Nightwing bores
O-Osama bites
P-Pentagon fights
Q-QT’s fiction
R-Real addiction
S-Superman flies
T-Trouble in paradise
U-Universal blues
V-Victorian hues
W-Washington might
X-Xenon burns bright
Y-Youngistan hurts
Z-Zero hour starts

Monday, November 02, 2009

This City

If Monty Brogan from 25th hour would have lived in kolkata this is what he would have said-

"Fuck me..fuck this city-Fuck the biharis with their auto-rickshaws and three generations coming to our city in hordes and crowding it up,crossing streets like dickheads and when they get hit it’s the drivers fault.Fuck the Punjabis driving taxis and behaving oh so amiably with their parathas and chicken and beer watching sunny deol movies….GET SOME TASTE FOR GOD’S SAKE!!Fuck the South Indians with their curd rice and their goddamn tounge-twister of a language and idolizing Rajnikant...just acknowledge that hindi is the national language and Rajnikant is an old fat bum will ya????Fuck the Marwaris with their cashboxes and crores In banks and yet cringing when their employees demand a raise!!!Fuck their employees who go on strike at the drop of a hat claiming equality!!!Fuck the political parties who back them for cheap political mileage!!!!Fuck the Coffee House crowd with their intellectual discussions and big talks yet never doing except expressing sarcastically how everything is wrong with the city!!!Get a fucking job!!!Fuck the SC-ST crowd enjoying all the priveleges despite having all the advantages in life…You were oppressed 300 years ago!!!Move the fuck on!!!Fuck the Shopping mall hero-heroines with all their cooing and accented English!!! Get a hotel room…no one wants to see a porn movie!!!Fuck all the bangla bands guyw with long hair,a stubble and t-shirts with motherfucking jim morrison and bangla songs on their lips...GROW THE FUCK UP!!!Beatles never had to dress like this to sell their songs!!!Fuck the homosexuals now coming out of the closet since 377 is legal…Go open a gay bar and stop stalking normal people son of a bitches!!!Fuck the frustrated heterosexuals harassing our girlfriends and best friends….go die bastards!!!Fuck the Sector 5 people-self-proclaimed yuppies of Kolkata-Hrithik Roshan Saif Ali Khan wannabe motherfuckers!!!Fuck Tollywood and Prasenjit for destroying the name and reputation of our film industry!!!Go and die bitches!!!Fuck thepolitical parties and their battles…you guys are completely destroying our state…GO THE FUCK AWAY!!Fuck the village boys coming to Kolkata and booing every time a guy speaks to a girl…narrow mentality backward motherfuckers!!!Fuck the 9-5 employees satisfied with their fucked up lives and not prepared to do anything about it!!Fuck the high-society crowd spending 350 rupees on a single ticket for a bollywood movie…hello!!!We are going through recession remember!!!Fuck the pseudo football-maniacs shouting brazil argentina man u arsenal chelsea when they dont even know the name of the players....Fuck the CESC ….we have to spend hours without power because you sonofaguns cant do a fucking thing!!!Fuck the corrupt cops filing today’s complaint tomorrow and letting crime rates go up in the city…Fuck everyone from the posh Park Street Folks to the upstart Jodh pur park people!!From the intellectual nandan crowd to the uneducated bihari brotherhood…FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!!!

No Nightwing-Fuck you!!!