A Kolkata Tale II

This is the second part of A Kolkata Tale.You can read the first part of A Kolkata Tale here- A Kolkata Tale

Amit’s diary-

08 February 4 am

It’s  4 am in the morning and  I’m up writing.I am usually a late sleeper but I found it very difficult-scratch that-impossible to sleep last night.Usually when I am up all night it’s usually watching a game of soccer or doing work stuff.But last night-well last night I just couldn’t sleep.Would you believe that?So many years gone by man and I still can’t help remembering her on this day.Maybe I wouldn’t have if I didn’t run into her last year with that Hrithik Roshan look-alike toy wonder arm-candy of hers.But still,Hrithik or no Hrithik I shouldn’t be thinking of her.Not today.Not after so many years.Heh.Maybe if I had the brains I could have opened some hotshot website in the aftermath of her pain and become a billionaire by now and had a movie made on me.Maybe I should call her.Like right now.Tell her I miss her.No no get a grip on yourself you moron.Don’t even think about that.Are you nuts?She is happy in her life now why do you wanna spoil that?Isn’t it enough you hurt her badly once?I am gonna go get some sleeping pills now.Try and sleep it off.Maybe if I am lucky tonight’s the night I will OD and it will all end.

08  February 12 noon

Ok that was weird.I finally fell asleep and dreamt that I had become a footballer.A striker at that.I was approaching the empty net with the ball at my foot but when I kicked it,it went out over the post.And I suddenly heard her voice calling from the gallery-“You are a failure.You have let me down.” Soon she was joined by my friends in the gallery,my teachers and many people I knew.They were all chanting “Failure!” at me.I tried to run but no matter how hard I ran I was rooted to the spot.And they were getting closer.Kinda like zombies.Just then I woke up sweating all over.Wow that was just like a sequence out of Federico Fellini movie.Surreal.Damn I really gotta get her out of mind.Maybe I should call her.Clear things up.No no NO!!!Things like those happen only in movies.That too crappy bollywood movies.Damn I so hate that Hrithik Roshan wannabe!He could open a business.Hrithik Roshan-stealing girlfriends since 2000.DAMN I CAN’T BELIEVE I SOUND SO CHEAP!Well fuck it.Am off to see if there’s something to eat in the fridge.

08 February 4 pm

Well that was time well-spent.What a fuck-all movie!Why do they even bother making movies like this?And no sir it didn’t help me take my mind of her like Aniket suggested.Aniket is a good friend isn’t he?I mean he’s an absolute idiot but he’s got his heart in the right place and that’s what counts I guess.He won’t dump me surely.Or won’t he?Nowadays I can’t be sure.Okay that was kinda gay.Not that I have anything against gay people.Damn I am really going into a melodramatic overdrive.I really should call her.Maybe in the meantime I can auction off my self-respect and dignity as well.But what’s self-respect and dignity in case of love?Nothing,nothing I tell you,nothing!Ok seriously I don’t think I love her.I guess Woody Allen was right.This really is painful because she’s unattainable.Yes I truly want to be a member of the club which doesn’t want to have ,me.I am neurotic now.I know.Off.

08 February 10 pm

Ok seriously I shouldn’t even be writing at this point.I have been drinking for an hour and things seem very shaky all around.Like I’m on a ship.Aniket fell asleep talking about the numerous flings he had recently.Sometimes I envy him.I wish I could be like that.I once met a couple of Ani’s  lady “friends”.To use Sheldon Cooper’s expression-dumber than a bag of rocks.Maybe I shouldn't judge.After all,what am I?I guess I am not calling her tonight.I might.I don’t think I will be in complete control of my faculties for long the rate at which I am drinking.Anything that happens after that I am not responsible for.Well that’s it I guess.Signing off now.

“You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line”

-Johnny Cash,”I walk the line”

Fernandez

Fernandez was a guitarist

Fernandez was a jolly lad.

Fernandez lived an easy life

Satisfied with what he had.

Fernandez liked simple things

Fernandez didn’t like to fight.

Fernandez liked staying home

Than going out late at night.

Fernandez was dutiful

Fernandez never shied away

Fernandez always gave his all

“A  darn good fella”  as they say

Well  everything was going fun till one day...

One day...

Fernandez fell in love.

Now Fernandez does all the things he’d usually never do.

It’s almost like a different Fernandez-not the one we knew.

His friends got annoyed with him and his guitar got ignored.

It seems a long long time ago that he played the last chord.

I told you this tale to show how Fernandez got destroyed

You can see love destroyed him-you don’t have to be Freud.

So all you merry fine young men-all you jolly jolly lads.

Try and stay away from love-be sensible,don’t be mad.

Hatred

I was hearing a Beatles song a while back-“Give peace a chance.”It’s a very well meaning song no doubt but somehow it irked me.Don’t get me wrong-I love the Beatles-I totally do.But I disagreed with their song-give peace a chance-Goddamn it!!!Peace has been given a lot of chances already-look at our country-we were peaceful people and were plundered over the ages by the Pathans,the Moghuls,the British etc.Peace never works.Peace only works in Utopia.It’s war out there-always has been,always will be.

Fighting-I hear people saying this-“Fighting never solves anything”-Do these people really believe that?We have been fighting since the dawn of civilization.Fighting for our existence.We fight daily-for our lives,for our jobs,for our love.Fighting is a natural part of us.See whenever there is a street fight people gather round to watch.It's a primal instinct-why not embrace it?If we don’t keep at it we will obliterated.Because even if you don’t fight for your rights-no one will give it to you.You have to play by their rules-beat them at their game.

All these hypocrites nowadays-They slam rock and rap music-for being too violent,for spreading hatred,for profanities they say.They-whoever they are-claim that these are harmful for kids-that it influence children in a negative way-Influence in a negative way?Why because they teach them the truth about life?Because most of these rock and rap musicians had to fight their way up from the gutters-fight for every inch-they know what it is.Committing a crime is ultimately up to the offender.It’s got nothing to do with influence.Thousands of people listen to this kind of music-but what they make of it is completely up to them.Some people misunderstand the message in the songs.And anyday I will take this over your pop shit-which has songs mostly about love,heartbreak and blah blah blah-because life doesn’t begin or end with amour-Life is a continuous struggle for existence.

I hear this phrase quite a lot-“love conquers all”-Like hell it does!!The phrase “falling in love” has deeper meaning.Love gives you this sinking feeling.Love gives you weakness.Love opens that door behind which lurks of having your faith broken,your love betrayed.Hatred on the other hand depends on no one.Hatred acts on it’s own.Hatred fuels the vengeance.Hatred makes people do things they didn’t know they were capable of.And am not talking about the negative things-think of the positives-With hatred comes a furious urge to prove yourself-and that is a motivation love can never give you.

All I am saying is give hatred a chance-Hatred when channelled in the right direction can lead you unto great things-USE THE RAGE!!!

Love Found

Have you ever had this feeling –you have so much to say
But words keep betraying you and you keep looking away
When your lips just wouldn’t move and convey what it feels
But then you’ve always lacked the basic communication skills
When it came to playing hardball-you were game for a fight
But your punchlines and jokes have all but dried up tonight.
You’ve given tall and clever speeches before men wise and old
And all it took to shut you up was a date with a pretty girl
You love the smallest things about her-and yet you can’t express
All you can do tonight it seems is smile and stare at her face
If only you were a sorcerer and could make this night last
But soon it will be midnight-Cinderella’s time fades fast
And as you look into her eyes it hits you from the blue-
It doesn’t matter if she knows or not so long your love is true.
You just want her to smile this smile and be this happy forever
And realizing that my friend-that was something really clever.

P.S-This is my first attempt at a love poem.Don't criticize it too harshly even if it sucks.

Regrets and Misconceptions

I once knew a pretty young girl
She loved me more than life
But when I started loving her back
She was someone else’s wife.

I once had a nightmare
A nightmare I always feared
But when that nightmare came true
All my fears disappeared.

I once used to laugh
And scorned those who cried
But nowadays only crying
It seems can get me high

I once had a vision
A passion as strong as fire
But when the vision was realized
I wasn’t there to admire.

I once used to think
I am right and they are wrong
And when I came to my senses
They were long gone.

Tears and Smiles

Tears and smiles all around
Parading the authenticity of emotions
Tears and smiles buried deep
Under the weight of pre-conceived notions


Silence and eyes full of pain
Leave a wound burnt more deep
Deeper than a thousand hateful words
Shouted by a voice choked with rage


Life isn't as good as you hear
From celebrities and evangelists
But life ain't that bad either see
As made out by Metallica wannabes


Sorry may be the hardest word
But harder it is to forgive past faults
Moving on isn't as easy as it seems
Once you possess some shattered dreams


A new day is another shot
Another chance to start anew
Try not to throw it away this once
Like you have done all your life.

Don't worry dudes and dudettes...you are gonna be fine....

A Kolkata Tale

Act 1
It was yet another Saraswati Puja.This day was always hard for him.Brought back a lot of painful memories.Since that year,every year he hopes the day would pass quickly and he would not notice it.But cruel as the days are they always took 24 hours to pass.Bringing back yet again those memories.They cut through his mind like broken shards of a mirror.
There wasn't any reason it would be any different this year.But what he hadn't anticipated was that this day could go worse.He was woken up by his phone vibrating loudly.He reached out from underneath his quilt and grabbed it-
'Yeah?'
'Wow up already you lazy bugger??I called you 5 times since the morning!!!'-said a voice he hadn't heard in 2 years.
'Aniket???" He asked his heart pounding.He was now wide awake.
'Oh so you remember??I feel really honoured man!!!You are such a big shot these days....I was afraid you wouldn't remember an old college friend' laughed Aniket from the other side.
'Wow!! I dont believe it dude...It's really you!!!!' he cried.
'Now now...don't wet yourself in excitement...so..you got any plans for today??' asked Aniket
'Well,I...' he was actually thinking of spending the day by himself...
'Ok Ok...I understand...I was thinking maybe we could go out...you know...go someplace...catch up on the old times...but if you are busy....' his voice trailed off.
'I dont believe you man...you call me up on the morning of a holiday to make plans....but hey,you know what...I am an impulsive guy...YOU'RE ON!!!!' .
'Now we're talking....meet you at Pacific Blue at 2 in the afternoon..cool?' asked Aniket.
'Cool....see you...bye for now'
'Yeah..bbye...'.

Act 2

He was standing inside one of the Pacific Blue bathrooms-trying to figure out how things got like him this afternoon.When he left his house today he had thought that this would be a quiet afternoon with his best friend in college..catching up on the old times.Maybe it would take his mind off the depressing memories associated with the day.But things haven't gone to his expectations and now he was stuck in this bathroom.

At exactly five minutes to 2 he had parked his car in the parking lot of Pacific Blue.When he entered,he saw Aniket was already there.He had thought that the place would be quite full with today being a festival but it wasnt.As he sat down he noticed Aniket looked the same as he looked in college.Aniket was a stud in those days.A handsome guy who used to make girls go weak in their knees.

'Let's order first shall we?' asked Aniket as he motioned a waiter to their table.

'Yeah ok,,,' he replied.

'I will have a Chicken Enchilada Casserole' said Aniket.

'Same for me too'

'So big guy,how is life?'asked Aniket.Aniket had this habit of calling him big guy because of his larger than normal stature.

'LIfe is fine...although pretty boring at the moment...how about you?'

'Hey...couldn't be better man.....I got a promotion at job....and there's this girl...man,is she is a kisser or what?'

'Still think you are a casanova eh??Give it up dude...the girls only feel pity on you...'

'Yeah well...jealous people tend to demean other's credentials...Hey Kabir!!!' Aniket suddenly shouted.

He turned his head towards where Aniket shouted and saw a suave-looking guy in tux and a girl beside him.His heart nearly stopped the next second as he realized it was Raya..Aniket didn't seem to be perturbed.He then realized Aniket didn't know Raya.He had heard about her but didn't know her.

The guy Kabir and Raya reached their table.Aniket began the introudctions-'Kabir this is Amit.Amit this is my colleague Kabir and his girlfriend Raya.'

Kabir smiled and extended his hand.Amit shook it.'Nice to meet you.'

Everyone smiled awkwardly for a moment.then Kabir spok-'Well...I guess we will be seeing you then...'

'Yeah...well...bye...'smiled Aniket.

As they moved away Amit and Aniket sat down.The waiter came and kept placed their food on the table.They started eating.But Amit was hardly in a mental state to eat.He never knew chicken enchilada casserole could feel so tasteless.He had then excused himself and came to the restroom.As he stood before the mirror all the memories came flooding back.

Act 3

Well, since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell.
It's down at the end of lonely street
at Heartbreak Hotel.

You make me so lonely baby,
I get so lonely,
I get so lonely I could die.

-Elvis Presley 'Heartbreak Hotel'



Amit and Raya has were first introduced by a common friend in their last year of high school.A month after that Amit had proposed and Raya said yes to him.After that their two-year long relationship saw some up and downs but it was in their second year in college on Saraswati Puja day that things finally broke down.

On that day Amit and Raya were supposed to go on an outing.But the previous day,the couple has had a huge fight and they weren't on speaking terms that day.Amit was pretty angry and had gone out with a group of friends.He had decided to let things cool down a little before talking to Raya again.

But fate had other plans for him.As he and his friends were sitting down for lunch in a South Kolkata restaraunt,one of his friends said-'Isn't that Raya?'

Amit quickly looked up and saw Raya sitting at a table some way in front with a boy whom Amit didn't know laughing and joking.

The blood rushed to Amit's head.He went to there table and shouted at her calling her a lot of foul names before storming out of there.He swore never to see her again.

But love is a very unpredictable emotion.When Raya called him in the evening he couldn't help receive the call.

'Congratulations' said Raya in an icy voice. 'I was having a huge guilt feeling for leaving you.But today you proved how right I am.'

'YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!'screamed Amit 'I LOVED YOU...AND YOU CHEATED ME YOU BLOODY --'

Raya cut him off-'And I loved you but you aren't worth it.You don't have any respect for anyone.You don't know how to behave with ladies.It's over.Goodbye'

And with that Raya cut the line.Amit sat there motionless for quite some time.

After that day 5 years had gone but the cupid did not visit Amit again.He felt he still hadn't let go of Raya.And today's chance encounter only accentuated this feeling..

Act 4

After 20 minutes he returned to his seat.

'Hey.you could have told me about your stomach infection.We could have ordered Crocin instead.' quipped Aniket.

'Maybe we could live without the wisecracks??and Crocin isn't for stomach problems you ignorant oaf' said Amit.

'Of course you would know a lot about that wouldn't you?' laughed Aniket.

'Let's get out of here' said Amit.

They left the restaraunt 5 minutes later.The encounter with Raya left him shook.But he trusted Aniket's quips and poor jokes to cheer him up.Maybe they could go to his home and chill over a pack of beers.What a depressing life it would be without friends.he thought.Maybe he should try socialising a little more instead of going into the shell.

The story might appear stupid to you.It may appear pointless to you.But this story does not try to tell an universal story for all ages.This is just another Kolkata tale.Nothing more.Nothing less.

Still...We Are Friends

I might appear to you quite rude
Actually I am obsessed with solitude
People are complicated sensitive beings
If I talk,I might end up hurtin' feelings
And I can do without your tears
Making you cry-my biggest fear
You're not to blame-It's my fault
I am just an imbecile dimwitted dolt
That's why I stay away from you all
Dont respond to any of your calls
Make some excuse,get out of town
Am really tired of playing the clown


See I possess this 'Holier than thou' attitude
That justifiably pisses off all the other dudes
They make me out to be a villain
All bragging and talking,no feelings
I admit to all that.but please spare a minute
Lemme tell you my side of the story-what's in it.
See I am just a weary guy cynical of the world
Seen so much,I hardly feel twenty years old
But I dont want to keep wallowing in self -pity
After a time,I can tell you-this stuff ain't pretty
So what I do is keep trying to mask this all up.
Maybe be the centre of the storm in a tea-cup
That way I can come out,all my guns blazing
No tiredness,nothing-just acting plain crazy
But Nuff' said!!!II am tired of talking
The walls of nonchalance are cracking
Next time I see you maybe I will smile
Make small talk,like normal guys-keep a low proflie.
Maybe we will sit down have coffee and chat
You can tell me,how I have gotten grumpy and fat
And I will tell all the stupid poor jokes I know
Then talk about this and that,just go with the flow.


We laugh together,we cry together
Sometimes we fight,but we love each other.
That's why they say friends are forever.

Yep...I love you all...

Nice Guy

The following post is a really personal one.I wrote it down sometime back when I was feeling quite depressed.I was hesitating whether or not to post this,but what the hell-here goes!!!

I have to be a nice guy,who never picks a fight.
Even if I am damn pissed off,I have to keep it quiet.
Everytime I see something happening that I feel is unfair.
I have to look the other way,’cause I’m not allowed to swear.
No-I am supposed to be this gentleman,the regular decent guy;
Who,even when in a fuckin’ mess,isn’t allowed to cry.
Oops did I say the f-word,I am sorry I apologise.
Believe me,that’s a slip of tongue I don’t have any vice.
But then you wonder,if that’s so what happened with those ladies?
Those two who left me and walked away like running from dead alleys
For s________, I wouldn’t care less for she wasn’t there for me,
But donna-i thought you loved me-how could you let this be?
You never really loved me,did ya,isn’t that just a shame?
I bet after a couple of years now,you can’t recall my name
But that’s ok,I got over you a long time back
Although for that affair,I took a lot of flak.
Half my friends didn’t like what became of me,
But that’s all behind now-this is Anish version 3.3.
Now I would never write emo songs,am not a glory-hunter
But sometimes I get the feeling,I am headed for disaster.
Every friend I’ve ever had,I feel I am destined to lose
When you think about it,ain’t that enough to blow your fuse?
But me,and the people I know,we are tougher than that
Some of us has seen tragedies that make these seem flat
I just hope the bashing and cursing and the mud-slinging would stop
I accept I am nothing but an useless psycho fop
But I don’t want to take this shit from you,hell no!!
Coz this is my life ‘welcome to The Anish Show’
Maybe the night will finally pass,and dawn will come one day
Birds singing and a breeze blowing and no one calling me gay
Till that day comes,for all of us,my friends just grit your teeth
Coz I know you guys ,my brotherhood,you can take this heat.

Love and Ego

Well over the last few posts I have written a lot of gibberish-tried to be funny,socially aware,poetic…err quite a lot of things,but have failed miserably.So in this post I want to tell you something that is very close to my heart.

Love-I have always avoided this topic.Joked about it.Given idiotic answers while pretending they were witty.But today I want to say what I really think about love.

Love-love is something which gives you a cause for living a purpose for life-more than any war ever can.Love is something which can turn you in a second from the happiest man on the planet to its saddest being.Love can be your strength-as much as it can be your weakness.Love can make your life-or destroy it.I know all these sound corny but it’s the truth about love.It really is an amazing feeling.Only the people who have been in love can know that feeling.The most powerful thing in the world.Love can make you do things which you never knew you were capable of.Love is sweet.Love is painful.Thats what makes it so beautiful.Love is selfless.Love isn’t jealous…stop Anish stop…I am gonna start crying….

But if love is so beautiful then why does love cause so many problems??if love isn’t jealous why are there love triangles which culminate in even murders??Because there-love is overtaken by something else-EGO.It makes a person think-“What??He gets the girl and not me??I am in ways lesser than him.I am going to get her in any way I can.”Ego is jealous.Ego sinks a person to depths he didn’t know he was capable of.

Some of you will say “ok..leave the triangles.Why are there so many break-ups due to mis-understandings?”Again-the answer is EGO.And this is applicable mainly for guys.I AM NOT A FEMINIST.But I have seen in many cases-when a girl is more successful than a guy,the guy starts getting grumpy,making snide comments and becoming VERY VERY bitter-but outwardly showing how happy he is for her.The male ego then becomes stronger than love.And don’t think these cases are exceptional.These cases are the majority.A guy may be very liberal on the outside,but deep down he will always be jealous when his girl is more successful than him.Ego is jealous.Ego is selfish.

I don’t know if you have noticed this in any case but in many cases I have seen that after a girl has dumped a guy,a guy cant get over her for a long time.While a girl gets over very quickly after being dumped.This too is because of-oh no…gotcha this time-this isn’t because of ego.But this isn’t because of love either.This is because he finds it hard to get over a old habit.But finally he does.

I know that many of you might not agree with what I feel.Even many might want to beat me up or hang me upside down.But this is really what I feel.If you dont agree with me that’s your problem.Not mine.

Lastly-even though ego is negative and cause of many a fights and misunderstandings-here is a bad wish-Without those misunderstandings and fights love would become really really boring.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??GO GIVE THESE PEOPLE YOU LOVE A WARM HUG AND TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM.BRITISH METRIC SYSTEM IS OBSOLETE.SO USE THE MKS ONE.