Wishes

I wish I was a cowboy

In some forgotten western flick

Riding down a valley

Wowing gals with tricks

Playing an organ in the night

When the stars are out

And the town is quiet

Pouring out my troubles

To my friend-John,the barkeep.

I wish I was a farmer

Living in the countryside

A peaceful life

A beautiful wife

And Rex,the labrador

By my side.

Work in the fields hard all day

A delicious meal later

Hitting the hay.

I wish I was a country singer

In a long black overcoat

Travelling from town to town

Singing songs I wrote

Not a care in the world

Pleasing people young and old

I wish I wasn’t me

Struggling to come to terms

With my reality

Insecurities killing me

Sorrow anew filling me

Unkind words leaving me

A little dead each day.

No Going Back

Say no to drugs and wannabe gangsta thugs

The night may be young but what’s that to me?

Elvis has left the building quite some time back

And you are still waiting-aww dude don’t you see?

The show’s over-party’s ended-go home and sleep

The jokes are old-the food’s cold-girl you can weep

Ain’t no going back now-things changed forever

You dont have a clue do ya?am trying to be clever

Universal admiration I ain’t gonna get homie

Won’t understand me,unless you really know me

But this ain’t about me-that ship has already sailed

This is about the people I know-people I have failed

I just wanted to say-I know-I really let you down

But that’s me-never the hero-always the clown

So I hope you forgive me-coz I really love ya all.

Hope ya take it in your stride-the rise and the fall.

The Truth

“What is the truth?”-Pontius Pilate trying to be a smartass.

“You want the truth?You can’t handle the truth.”-Jack Nicholson on Tom Cruise wanting to sleep with The Truth.

“I always tell the truth.Even when I lie”-Al Pacino on how he rats out everyone's secrets to Inspector The Truth.

Truth-(not to be confused with the pro-wrestler with the in-ring name R-Truth who knows just one silly rap song and sings it every time and has jobbed in more matches than anyone in the history of pro-wrestling.And all characters in this article are fictional.Including the pro-wrestler mentioned in the previous sentence.Any resemblance is purely co-incidental.Now go chew on that.)

The truth is one of the most ambigious characters in human history.It is often said to be biased towards victors and unfair towards the defeated.The Truth could also be a bad sit-com starring Gerard Butler and Jon Cryer where there is nothing to laugh about but the laughter track is still rolling on the floor laughing.But that is just digressing from  the point of the article which is to find the truth.

The truth is someone whom  everyone claims to be looking for but no-one actually likes.

Case in point-

“I am a really bad person”-to this statement the answer in 90 percent of the case should be yes TRUTHfully.But the tried and tested answer which works in this case is “No your not”.

Truth has a hot girlfriend called Lies-whom everyone likes because she’s kind of a slut and usually satisfies everyone.As is the hypocritic nature of human beings everyone claims to hate lies but everyone is in bed with her.Yet truth sticks with this cheating bitch because without Lies there won’t be the Truth.

In his young age the truth used to be a very athletic and gullible guy.All brawns no brains.That’s why he could easily be twisted and manipulated.Nowadays no one bothers with that though.Whenever there’s a job to be done everyone employs his girlfriend.

Truth used to be bosom buddies with the fictional character Yudhistira-But he wasn’t much of an adviser.When he listened to truth Yudhistira lost his kingdom,had to go live in a forrest and share his wife with his 4 bro-hams.But one day after he listened to his other pal Krishna instead of Truth-he got back everything.Since then truth is never the best friend of everyone.

Truth is usually disliked by most because he is very arrogant and brash and doesn’t care for people’s feelings.Then there’s this dude called Poetic Justice whom Truth can’t stand and hamper his work at every possible chance.

Despite all his shortcomings-everyone meets Truth once in a life face to face-and even though he is a no-good angry foul-mouthed son of a bitch-most usually feel lighter after they have met him.Which is why I guess he still lives on to this day.

And with that I conclude this article.My parents did not send me to study engineering for this.Yet this is how pathetic I have become.And that’s the TRUTH.

A Long Forgotten Story

People  don’t change all of  a sudden.People change bit by bit over time.Until they change so much that they become unrecognizable.People change because of various reasons.But a reason has to be there.Otherwise why would someone with a perfectly happy life change?I know you are wondering by now what this is all about-well,this is about my friend Rajeev.He was once my best friend.

Rajeev and I became friends at a very young age.Two frightened kids united by their fear of the unknown on the first day of school.Since then we were thick as thieves.As long as we were in school we did everything together.We played together,we fought against other kids together-we got caught and got punished together.Ah,those days!I think they have a name for that-they call it Utopia.

This went on for 10 years.We saw each other grow up-Our topics of discussion would change from cartoons and superheroes to girls and soccer.I remember at one point of time-we had crush on the same girl.FYI-she wasn’t interested in either of us.But that didn’t stop us from having a good laugh.

In Class 9,our sections were changed due to different additional.Now we got to see less of each other-We couldn’t hang out as much as we used to.Moreover I saw he made some new friends-Some people who didn’t have the best of reputation in school.I was kind of shy and introvert so I couldn’t make that many friends-Or any close friends at all.I concentrated on my studies.Meanwhile the changes in Rajeev were so marked that everyone was beginning to notice it.His dressing style had changed-he always had a cigarette between his lips.I tried to talk to him 2-3 times about this.Asked him why he had become like this-He used to react harshly on these occasions-told me that I had no right to judge him and that his new friends were far better friends than I ever was.

We reached class 11-12 and  we grew further apart.Despite not being close friends anymore Rajeev had always kept contact with me.He used to call me up late at night when he was feeling sad or when he was in trouble.I missed my friend-so I used to take whatever time I could get with him.But now he even stopped calling me anymore.Sometimes his mother would call me up and ask me about his activities in school-I had no answer for her and it is at these moments I felt guilty and in some ways responsible for Rajeev.In the meanwhile I was in a lot of trouble myself with poor grades and studies-So I couldn’t concentrate on Rajeev’s problems any more.And slowly he faded from my mind.

After school ended I didn’t see him anymore.I went through college-wasn’t too successful.And in this struggle for existence I had forgotten about Rajeev completely.

More than 25 years have gone by.I am now in my 40s a typical middle-class Bengali man struggling to make ends meet for his family.Today I was reading the morning newspaper while having tea as usual  when an article caught my eye-

“Gangster killed in shootout”

You guessed it right.The black and white picture underneath this caption belonged to my school friend Rajeev Sengupta.He changed so much as a human being over the years but his physical appearance was nearly the same.Handsome as ever.And the photograph brought so many memories back.I don’t think I will be able to concentrate at work today.

In the end I would like to say this-I don’t know the reason for his change.I don’t know whether his philosophy of living life on the edge was worse than my philosophy of living life safely in a hole.From this tale all I can tell you is that-I miss my school friend.Maybe if we were together our lives could have turned out better.Because no relationship is as unselfish and giving as the one among two best friends.

How to be an Indian Intellectual in 10 easy steps

1.Hate Orkut.Show it.Even if you don’t hate orkut-show some hatred.Ridicule it.Generalize it’s users.This will earn you 10000 points in your intellectual account.

2.Show your public hatred of Chetan Bhagat.You may like him but do you want to be an intellectual or not?Remember how many crappy and clichéd IIT novels he inspired and your job will become easier.

3.Show your hatred for Twilight and Justin Bieber.Show it regularly.Show it frequently.Nothing says intellectual better than I hate Twilight and Bieber.It’s ok if you have no idea who or what they are.Most don’t so nobody’s gonna test you.

4.Be a communist.Or act like one.Throw in the words Marx,Lenin,philosophy,ideals,Che Guavera,Communist Manifesto in your conversations.Trust me no one will know the difference.Real communists will take the word out of your mouth and give you a long-winded explaination.Fakers won’t know the difference.They will think you are some big wiseass.

5.Now,this one is worth a 1000000 points so listen up carefully-Grow long hair.Wear some junk jewellery.Doesn’ matter if you are a guy or a girl.Dope and booze and wear Jim Morrison T-shirts.Form a band with another couple of wannabe intellectuals.Post pictures of yourself playing a guitar or boozing on Facebook.There ya go.You are an intellectual.It’s ok if you have no idea of who Jim Morrison,Kurt Cobain,Metallica etc are.Most of them don’t.

6.Now you have to realize how important Facebook is for this purpose.Facebook can make you.For example if you have seen half of Citizen Kane and felt pretty bored-it doesn’t matter.Go to Facebook and like Citizen Kane,Orson Welles and anything remotely related to that movie.Because intellectual people like Citizen Kane-do you want to be or intellectual or not?then suppose you overhear or oversee a couple of guys discussing French New Wave-you don’t have to know what it is-just go and like the damn thing on Facebook will you?Facebook likes are meant for showboating only.

7.Pretend to be a soccer fan.You don’t have to be one.Just say I support Manchester United.Remember they win a lot of trophies and you want to come off as an winner don’t you?Nowadays you can also support Barcelona-And on match-days you don’t even have to watch the goddamned matches-just update your status on Facebook and tweet with the following from time to time- “Go Barcaaaaaaaa” “GGMU” “Go Messiiiiiiiii”.

8.Show your hatred for commercial Bollywood.Make fun of Bollywood in every possible way.Even if you watch every damn movie of Bollywood-but remember-you are now becoming an intellectual and intellectuals hate Bollywood!!You can be an Aamir Khan or Anurag Kashyap fan though-most people think they are “different” making “different” movies-You don’t have to know like their movies-Just praise them a lot.And your job is done.

9.Use the F-word the MF-word,the B-word a lot.Throw it in before as many words as you can.That’s what intellectuals do.Don’t you watch MTV and Channel V reality shows?F-words are the in thing-so use them.

10.Write wannabe smart-ass blog posts which are hopelessly derivative or completely devoid of humour.Like this one.If you blog no one can stop you from being considered an intellectual.

Uninspired Ramblings

I am not a bright kid-so think you can forgive me?
If I ain’t so cool tonight-think you’ll still love me?
I wanna be a smartass,pal-but I’ve had a hard day
A while back I even put my ego for sale on Ebay.
Tonight,brother-I envy the drunks and Superman
They aren’t bound by the shackles of life like I am
Wish we could just sit and chat like Kate and Leopold
I am afraid of the passing days-aware I’m growing old
My insecurities might prove stronger than my barrier
My wall of silence might succumb to my worst fears
Let’s forget all these sad thoughts-spread a little joy
You can be my Marilyn Monroe I will be Johnny Boy

So now that we got that settled-

Everybody have a seat coz am gonna let it rip
Nowadays my mind fails-inspiration rarely clicks
So who knows how long ‘tis ‘fore I end this gig
The end is near coz anyday now imagination R.I.P.

Hatred

I was hearing a Beatles song a while back-“Give peace a chance.”It’s a very well meaning song no doubt but somehow it irked me.Don’t get me wrong-I love the Beatles-I totally do.But I disagreed with their song-give peace a chance-Goddamn it!!!Peace has been given a lot of chances already-look at our country-we were peaceful people and were plundered over the ages by the Pathans,the Moghuls,the British etc.Peace never works.Peace only works in Utopia.It’s war out there-always has been,always will be.

Fighting-I hear people saying this-“Fighting never solves anything”-Do these people really believe that?We have been fighting since the dawn of civilization.Fighting for our existence.We fight daily-for our lives,for our jobs,for our love.Fighting is a natural part of us.See whenever there is a street fight people gather round to watch.It's a primal instinct-why not embrace it?If we don’t keep at it we will obliterated.Because even if you don’t fight for your rights-no one will give it to you.You have to play by their rules-beat them at their game.

All these hypocrites nowadays-They slam rock and rap music-for being too violent,for spreading hatred,for profanities they say.They-whoever they are-claim that these are harmful for kids-that it influence children in a negative way-Influence in a negative way?Why because they teach them the truth about life?Because most of these rock and rap musicians had to fight their way up from the gutters-fight for every inch-they know what it is.Committing a crime is ultimately up to the offender.It’s got nothing to do with influence.Thousands of people listen to this kind of music-but what they make of it is completely up to them.Some people misunderstand the message in the songs.And anyday I will take this over your pop shit-which has songs mostly about love,heartbreak and blah blah blah-because life doesn’t begin or end with amour-Life is a continuous struggle for existence.

I hear this phrase quite a lot-“love conquers all”-Like hell it does!!The phrase “falling in love” has deeper meaning.Love gives you this sinking feeling.Love gives you weakness.Love opens that door behind which lurks of having your faith broken,your love betrayed.Hatred on the other hand depends on no one.Hatred acts on it’s own.Hatred fuels the vengeance.Hatred makes people do things they didn’t know they were capable of.And am not talking about the negative things-think of the positives-With hatred comes a furious urge to prove yourself-and that is a motivation love can never give you.

All I am saying is give hatred a chance-Hatred when channelled in the right direction can lead you unto great things-USE THE RAGE!!!

Implosion Explosion

I kinda have anger issues-often find myself imploding
The anger builds up and I have difficulties unloading
But now fuck it-am gonna soften things down no more
If roses are red,violets are blue-too bad fuck you whore
And I hope you won’t take it personally fellas and ladies
That ain’t for you-it’s for the enemy of the Slim Shadys
Coz I got a beef with people who dare to fuck with The King
I wanna fuck them up like the former wives of Charlie Sheen
These gals really think they can ape Elvis and get away?
Hah! CRon has a better chance of turning out to be gay
And people are too touchy these days-easily offended
But doesn’t mean I’ma stop now-this war hasn’t ended.
Am tired of being polite-what’s the point of it anyway?
Gonna get buried all the same-at the end of the day
So I’ll be bringing the house down-as long as I feel tough
Tonight after a long time-Nightwing’ll hafta play it rough
Am taking the leap of faith into the fire under the frying pan
Tonight I am Clint Eastwood-Blondie meets Harry Calahan
And I don't care if no one else reads this goddamn crap
When I gotta diss and bash-I am gonna always try to rap

Yours Sincerely

Dear Princess

It’s been years since we last met-
And I was just wondering how you’ve been.
I hope you are doing fine-
I read about your engagement the other day
I wanted to congratulate you but
I couldn’t make it-Even if I could-
I knew I wouldn’t be welcome.

I had a lot of dreams for you-
I wanted to be a part of your life
I wanted to see my little girl grow up
But Fate had other plans
I know I haven’t been the best father
I could’ve been
I know my faults aren’t easy to forgive
I know I abandoned you when you needed me
I was too brash and too ambitious
I chose career over family
But trust me princess-
I always loved you-you and your mother
I always missed you-
But your mother and I-we were young
We were stubborn
We let our egos decide right and wrong
Our eyes were blinded by pride
We couldn’t see our conceit
Tearing us all apart.
And as I sit alone in this deserted palace
Furnished with expensive belongings
To cover the hollowness of this farcical existence
I couldn’t help but wonder what could’ve been
If we would have been together.

And I am not writing to you
Hoping you’d forgive me
For the years of negligence
For all the times I wasn’t there
When you needed a shoulder to cry on
I don’t expect you to forgive me
For not being there in your joys and tears
I just hope you will remember our mistakes
In the new life you’re about to begin
It hurts a father to say this-
But I hope you won’t follow in my footsteps
I guess that’s all I can say now-
Wishing you all the happiness in the world-

Yours sincerely-Dad.

Remains of the Day

It’s just another morning in Kolkata.Kolkata-My city.The place where I was born and brought up.The city where I have memories of all the important moments of my life.But this morning the city seems different and distant.Today all the sights and sounds of the city that I am so familiar with and have been for a long time-everything seems detached from me and my life.

It’s 8 am in the morning-I am sitting with all the newspapers circling out possible job opportunities.I have been doing this for over 3 months.Searching for newspapers-applying for job interviews and being rejected at the interview.It’s almost become a routine by now.My poor grades at school and college keep haunting me.I was never a very bright student.And I wasn’t much of a hard-worker either.So my grades came as a surprise to no one.But today the job openings were the last thing on my mind.I was still reeling from the events of yesterday.

It’s 10 am and I am getting ready to go out for today’s job interview.My mother looks at me proudly as I dress.It’s funny how she never lets me feel like a loser.She always treats me as if I am the most important person in the world.She always complements me when I dress up even though being of medium height,dark complexion and being overweight I really am not a head-turner.But that’s the best thing about my mother-She never loses her temper with me.She never makes me feel bad about myself.People say she spoils me-But she doesn’t care.I look at her face and feel pangs of guilt for abusing her leniency and love.I wonder if she knew about the events of yesterday how she would feel.

It’s 2 pm-and I sit down on a rickety bench in a rice hotel for my afternoon lunch.It’s surprising-no matter where you go in Kolkata you find these hotels where they provide a lunch in less than twenty rupees.A variety of people come here-From construction workers to taxi drivers to unemployed broke young people like me to nearby office staff.Everyday I observe these people while enjoying my lunch-I listen to them chat and express their opinions on almost all topics under the sun.Most are coming here for years and know each other really well.Listening to them livens up the dullest of my days.But not today-today there’s a huge weight on my mind-that nothing can lighten.

It’s 5 pm-I am sitting in a bus and returning home.My workday is like everyone else.The only difference is they go to work everyday and I go to apply for work everyday.It was this time yesterday that it happened.I was returning home like usual.The bus was over crowded and people were in a foul mood as usual.Little did we know of the tragedy waiting around the corner.The bus was near Maidan when it happened.The bus in front was going really slow-as is the nature of all near-empty buses in Kolkata.Just as our bus was overtaking this bus-A man came out of nowhere in front of the bus.I can still see it as if it was happening just now.The sickening smash,the blood splattered on the windscreen,the tumultuous shouts.A man who left his home and family in the morning perfectly healthy-won’t be returning to them anymore.How quickly it happened-a life built bit by bit for years-destroyed in a second.A family reduced from normal to grieving in a second.And these sights,visions and thoughts have been haunting me since yesterday.There are so many people who do wrong to the world-who hurt people,take lives and commit all kinds of wrong-doing.And yet God chose this man-someone who was there only because he had to go to work for his family.

It’s 9 pm and I am roaming aimlessly in Gariahat.I didn’t feel like returning home so early and listening to Dad’s criticism of my life and pointing out my mistakes.I needed to be alone.And now it’s late.I see all around people readying to call it a night.I see people wrapping up for the day.Tomorrow will be another day to start afresh.But for tonight the war has ended temporarily and the soldiers are tired.Tonight in this rainbow city of my mine-people are just picking up the remains of the day.