Shiney-Villain or Victim?

Okk,through the media everyone knows about the now famous Shiney Ahuja case.He sexually assaulted his maid servant,broke down during interrogation and confessed…blah blah blah…the usual 9 yards.And one of my friends(who is a bit of a-well actually a lot of a feminist at heart) feels that its very wrong that he is still alive.That he should have been dead by now.How dare they continue to let him breathe when he has done such a heinous job and ruined an innocent girl’s life?The following is my opinion on the matter.
Ever since I attained some maturity I have seen that in our country women and girls are given preference to boys.A girl’s statement holds more value than a boy’s.That’s the way it is.If a girl shouts in the middle of the road-this boy is molesting me-the boy gets a sound beating before he can even say anything.In one stroke of accusation,a person’s good reputation built up over a long period of time can be destroyed.In Shiney Ahuja’s case I would like to bring up the following points-
1.Shiney Ahuja has been testified by all his friends and family to be a nice guy..not at all like you find in the film industry.And a nice guy does not act like this.So why should Shiney?
2.If he is not a nice guy and has fooled his friends all along,it means whatever he may be,he ain’t stupid.He knows what will happen if he does this.So even if he raped her wouldn’t he want to silence her forever?
3.Another question I would like to ask is why would a man with a wife want to rape some-one??That too some-one who isn’t exactly a Katrina kaif?
4.Shiney’s family denied that he admitted to rape.
5.Suppose the maid servant consented to sex at that time…then tried to blackmail him…and when he refused…she went to the police to discredit him…isn’t it possible??
I don’t know if he is guilty or not.MIND YOU,IF HE IS,HE SHOULD BE HANDED CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.PEOPLE WHO COMMIT THESE CRIMES SHOULD BE BURNT DOWN ALIVE…BUT IF AIN’T GUILTY…HE SHOULD GET A PROPER HEARING.The laws in our country are heavily loaded in the favour of women.This needs to be amended.And people shouldn’t come to conclusions sitting so far away.That’s all I am saying.

Shut up please!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen,boys and girls,brothers and sisters,straights and gays,conservatives and liberals.This is the list of people who I think talk too much shit and need to shut up immediately.

2.Mamata Banerjee-Look,I am not interested in knowing if there is a conspiracy by the Russian and Chinese brothers of the left government here to take over west Bengal.I don’t even want to know if the left are behind each and every bad thing to ever happen in this state,ok?All I know is that I badly need to sleep.I haven’t slept well for quite some time and I am extremely fatigued.SO TURN THAT DAMN LOUDSPEAKER OFF!!!AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY NEIGHBOURHOOD!!!

3.Ramgopal Verma-Yeah,yeah,yeah.We have heard all of your blabbering before Ramu!!You said that Aag will make us forget Sholay….yeah,well it did…but not in the way we hoped!!So here’s a piece of advice-go home,think for a while and don’t come back until something good hits you…not Aag-good…satya-good or sarkar-good…ok??

4.Paris Hilton-This girl once said London is the capital of USA.Ok..i have seen dumb…AND I have seen DUMB…but that takes the cake..

5.Kareena Kapoor-Hi Kareena!!Well you see,in case you don’t remember,Jab We Met was a looooooooooooooong time ago…so stop saying Shahid is gonna use your name for promotion of his movie-and for god’s sake…get that dumb grin off your face,I throw the remote again at the TV,and my dad is gonna kill me.

6.British Media-Okay,first you made a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig deal of your football team….then of your cricket team….Well newsflash for you guys!!!The last time you won anything worth mentioning was 1966…so why don’t you win something and then go blah blah blah???And lay off the Aussies…at least they win…

7.Baba Ramdev-Look mister,nothing personal…but if I were you,I wouldn’t come on tv and give advice…instead of healing people you are making people like me sick…and violent,for that matter.Advice for you-Open a chamber and start a practice.By the way,your physique doesn’t give a very advertisement for your methods.

8.Rakhi Sawant-YOU JUST SHUT UP!!!NO ADVICE NOTHING!!!JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

9.Aamir Khan-Will the real Aamir Khan please stand up?And not the one who thinks he is an intellectual actor and comes up with crappy movies like ghajini and takes potshots of SRK all the time??aah…what the hell…both are equally bad!!

10.Himesh Reshammiya-I don’t know if I got my spelling right…and I am not too bothered to tell the truth.All I want to say is you are not half as bad a music director as you are a singer…I developed an allergy to tandoori after that song of yours….so please,stay away from the mike…and more importantly,stay out of the camera’s field…please!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddd now-The No.1 yap-yapper who really needs to zip it-

1.Anish Dutta-This good for nothing punk really needs to shut up.Anish,mate my advice to you is remember-A dumb man has no enemies.So put a lid on it.No-one’s interested in your views ok??Spare me the grief!!

Double Act

It struck me just a couple of days ago.I was watching the French Open with a friend.Roger Federer was making history.He became the greatest ever tennis player.While the presentation was going on my friend remarked-“Poor Rafael Nadal…if he was born in another generation then maybe he would have been the best of his time.Too bad he had to battle with Federer.”This set me thinking-Is that really true??What if Nadal would have been born in another generation?But before you think this is one long boring article about tennis,let me assure you it is not.My point is the presence of double-acts(if I can take the liberty to call them so) present in all fields all throughout the world.

How is it that every time someone almost invincible appears to have become the master of the field someone dares to challenge him?Someone who could logically never match them…how is it that these people always pose a threat to the champions…and sometimes even ace them.If you look at history you will see that when Akbar seemed to have gained huge power,there was one man,whose might was nothing compared to him.He was known as Rana Pratap.And yet,despite there being such a huge difference in their powers,Rana Pratap was always a thorn in Akbar’s side.Then there was Shivaji during Aurungzeb’s reign.This time the champion was even more powerful and the challenger even less so.Yet look at what Shivaji attained.No I am not writing this coloumn to glorify our national heroes.If we consider movies,there will be always be a debate between who is the best-Al Pacino or Robert di Nero-Two of the greatest actors ever..and they had to be contemporaries???If you move to cricket you will see the same thing-Sachin Tendulkar had a Brian Lara,Alan Border had a Sunil Gavaskar.

Maybe it is how God plans it.So that no-one can have it easy.And everyone has to earn it.For without Nadal,can Federer truly be the greatest ever?Can Batman be a legend if there was no joker??These guys are intense rivals,and enemies at times-But they have to have each other.That’s what motivates them to give their best,raise the bar-higher and even higher.May these double acts continue to flourish.For without them,life would become extremely boring and predictable.

Random thoughts on way to college

All right,exams coming up…what am I gonna do…cant get in even one hour every day….why is that guy blowing the horn so many times…cant he see the traffic jam???What’s his problem?Oh god,this is really crazy…the exam begins in 10 minutes and I am still in ballygunge….man,I feel so sleepy…should stop watching movies till such late night….if I am awake,I gotta study….i wonder if the internet will be up and working by the time I get back….people blocking the road….damn,it had to be today of all days…but 48 hours without electricity…these people ought to be damn angry…seems like they are….there,had to get down and now….walkie,walkie,walkie……la la….when the music stops….la la…damn it!!that song’s been playing in my head all morning….how the hell am I supposed to remember the circuits,if there are so many distractions???one missed call??must have missed it because of all the noise….rony??why would he call me???oh I almost forgot…today is man u’s match with barca…and he wants to brag…barca…that reminds me…nearly forgot…I gotta return supratim’s copy tomorrow…or he’s gonna kill me….DAMN IT!!!how’s a guy supposed to walk with all these puddles around???Bloody KMC…don’t do any work and expect to get votes….nearly twisted my ankle there…whoa!!check her out!!!too bad she’s with a boy…all the girls seem to be taken these days….hey,I could have sworn she was looking at me….man,am I cool or am I COOL??yeah yeah…keep dreaming Anish baby….no harm in dreaming….HEY!!watch it you sonova-…..you nearly drove into me…bloody punks…thinks their father owns the road…man my legs are starting to cramp from all the walking…..lactic acid…I read that in class 8 and still remember….man…such a sweet studious boy I used to be in those days…and now look at me…I need to study…from tomorrow definitely….and from the next sem….i will study from the beginning and…aww…who am I kidding??i know what I will do next sem….doing what I was doing this sem….an sms??who can…WHAT THE FUCK???now rony tells me that the exam has been postponed…ha ha…I walked for like 4 kms…..ha ha ….man I think I am going crazy…..ha ha….

Dont give a fuck!!

All right…here goes….my attempt at being Eminem…ha ha

Slim Shady..dont kill me…I was just trying to be “inspired”…believe me…

They say that too much of a good thing is bad,whoever they are…

Well fuck them!!what do they know??get’em out of here…

I say I’ve had enough…enough with this useless life….

Lets finish this forever…lets end this futile strife…

“But anish!what are you saying??you’re gonna commit suicide?”

Big deal…its better to end it here…than to spend the rest of the days trying to hide…

Some sonofabitch screwed me out of my livelihood

“well fuck you man!!go and show him this attitude!!

Don’t take your frustration out on others,anish,you piece of crap

You’re so lost in life that you cant find your way even with a map!!”

Ok..i’ve heard enough…I am gonna shut your mouth for good….

You smug little bastard…you think you’re cool singing “hey jude”?

Yeah well,Paul McCartney and John Lennon..they didn’t have to deal with this shit!!

Take that you gutless swine…I am gonna turn on the heat!!

See how it feels…how it hurts…when I beat the crap outta you…

You’ve given me enough problems…my turn now to give you a few…

“You think you’re a big guy now??beating down a helpless guy??

Well fuck you faggot!!!now you’ve done it!!you’ve given me a swollen eye!!

You and me…we are finished….you can wallow in your mess as long as you like…

Me….I am the heartbreak kid…rapping away with LP’s Mike….”

And that’s how he left me…my conscience…may he burn in hell…that fucking jerk….

And “they” can say what they like…it’s their nature…dogs will bark….

Angrier Than Thou

Good morning ladies and gentlemen.I am Anish Dutta and I will be here commentator today for the anger competition.Today is Election day.clap clap clap!!What a beautiful day for getting angry!!Today all of us have the license to be as much angry as we like.

The following is the list of 10 people who have reasons to be angry or are always angry:

2.SHAH RUKH KHAN-Well,during December he watched helplessly as Aamir Khan stole his thunder (and his limelight) when Aamir’s Ghajini routed his movie Rab ne.Things have been going from bad to worse for him since then as his home production Billu Barbar failed miserably….and then his team KKR(they said they have removed Kolkata from the name…so now I think it stands for Khan Knight Riders) got crushed match after match.So the number 10 spot goes to our very own King Khan for having many reasons to get angry.

3.Christian Bale-This guy is un-fucking-believable.After fucking getting into a load of fucking trouble for fucking beating up his mom,this guy went batshit crazy (pun intended) on the fucking sets of T4 and used the fucking f-word 37 fucking times in 4 fucking minutes.Looks like this guy always finds a fucking reason to lose his cool.He is at number 4.

4.The people of West Bengal-People are either angry for the loss of the Nano,or they are angry for the fiasco in Nandigram.They are also angry at Dada losing captaincy and for KKR losing in the IPL.They are also angry because of job-cuts,power-cuts,increasing rates of hair-cuts.Or they are just angry anyways.

5.Wolverine-He was hoping compete with Batman in term’s of the movies financial success…unfortunately some scum released the movie on torrent long before it hit the screens.As a result,everyone watched it long before it hit the screens.As a result it was beaten by even “Ghosts of girlfriends past” at the box-office.So people,don’t watch the pirated copy.Do you really want this on your conscience??Do you really want a movie like “ghosts of girlfriends past” to win?

6.Politicians all over the world-Because they are the most abused,hated and maligned people in the world.They have even managed to beat lawyers.And that’s really saying something.

7.People whose lives have been affected by terrorists-Those people who haven’t been affected by terrorism won’t know what its like.I feel sorry for the terrorist if he came face to face with a guy who lost a lot because of terrorism.Sorry.I take that back.I don’t feel sorry at all.

8.English People-Despite inventing most of things,their performance in all of them is pathetic.Even their language got raped by the Americans.

9.Eminem-He is always angry as his songs demonstrate.His troubled childhood,and a troubled family life contributed to this.He married the same woman twice.And divorced her twice.Now he is dating her again.His fans don’t seem to care.They think he rocks!!!I am one of his fans.

10.Devdas-He would have been completely pissed off seeing SRK and bhansali’s “devdas”.He would come alive and kill abhay deol if he saw Dev D.

And now ladies and gentlemen.its time to announce the number one.Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the number one is:-

1.GOD-For seeing the world he created become totally screwed up.

Love and Ego

Well over the last few posts I have written a lot of gibberish-tried to be funny,socially aware,poetic…err quite a lot of things,but have failed miserably.So in this post I want to tell you something that is very close to my heart.

Love-I have always avoided this topic.Joked about it.Given idiotic answers while pretending they were witty.But today I want to say what I really think about love.

Love-love is something which gives you a cause for living a purpose for life-more than any war ever can.Love is something which can turn you in a second from the happiest man on the planet to its saddest being.Love can be your strength-as much as it can be your weakness.Love can make your life-or destroy it.I know all these sound corny but it’s the truth about love.It really is an amazing feeling.Only the people who have been in love can know that feeling.The most powerful thing in the world.Love can make you do things which you never knew you were capable of.Love is sweet.Love is painful.Thats what makes it so beautiful.Love is selfless.Love isn’t jealous…stop Anish stop…I am gonna start crying….

But if love is so beautiful then why does love cause so many problems??if love isn’t jealous why are there love triangles which culminate in even murders??Because there-love is overtaken by something else-EGO.It makes a person think-“What??He gets the girl and not me??I am in ways lesser than him.I am going to get her in any way I can.”Ego is jealous.Ego sinks a person to depths he didn’t know he was capable of.

Some of you will say “ok..leave the triangles.Why are there so many break-ups due to mis-understandings?”Again-the answer is EGO.And this is applicable mainly for guys.I AM NOT A FEMINIST.But I have seen in many cases-when a girl is more successful than a guy,the guy starts getting grumpy,making snide comments and becoming VERY VERY bitter-but outwardly showing how happy he is for her.The male ego then becomes stronger than love.And don’t think these cases are exceptional.These cases are the majority.A guy may be very liberal on the outside,but deep down he will always be jealous when his girl is more successful than him.Ego is jealous.Ego is selfish.

I don’t know if you have noticed this in any case but in many cases I have seen that after a girl has dumped a guy,a guy cant get over her for a long time.While a girl gets over very quickly after being dumped.This too is because of-oh no…gotcha this time-this isn’t because of ego.But this isn’t because of love either.This is because he finds it hard to get over a old habit.But finally he does.

I know that many of you might not agree with what I feel.Even many might want to beat me up or hang me upside down.But this is really what I feel.If you dont agree with me that’s your problem.Not mine.

Lastly-even though ego is negative and cause of many a fights and misunderstandings-here is a bad wish-Without those misunderstandings and fights love would become really really boring.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??GO GIVE THESE PEOPLE YOU LOVE A WARM HUG AND TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM.BRITISH METRIC SYSTEM IS OBSOLETE.SO USE THE MKS ONE.

Death of Patriotism

It’s official people.Patriotism is dead.Its over.The process which began quite some time ago has been completed by the IPL.Confused?Let me explain.

Patriotism has been dying for quite some time.With the concept of the world becoming a global village,patriotism has been on the vane for quite some time.I mean come on-you could see it.I remember when I was a kid I used to sit and watch India’s cricket matches.Each and every match.EACH AND EVERY BALL.I was afraid to shift my position in the fear that India might lose a wicket.But that was before a man called Sourav Ganguly.Bengal has always been shunted to the side by the western lobby and this man just showed what we can do.Birth of parochialism.This was bound to happen.In a country with 28 goddamn states(very poor in geography…inaccuracy of information regretted) where people of one part have NOTHING in common with the people of another part,this was bound to happen.At first I felt it was only me who lost his patriotism.But then I saw it’s not only me.No-one gives a fuck about this country anymore.But is it without reason that we have become so indifferent??Is it really??NO!!!

We were the ones who believed in INDIA.We were the ones who believed in the sacrifices of Bhagat Singh,Subhash Chandra Bose and the other brave freedom fighters.We dreamt of a better India.An India of equality.We actually believed in those “sovereign,socialist.secular.democratic” crap.Then we found out why our country sucked in the first place.Corruption.CORRUPTION from top to bottom.YEP!!!IN THIS COUNTRY,MONEY TALKS!!But how can you blame the common people??They get paid so less and they have a lot of mouths to feed.The government??Before blaming the governments,remember this:This is a country where our government has to make advertisements to stop female foeticide,infanticide.And yet no equality for girls!!!!How can you blame the government???People say politicians are corrupt.Yes they are.But more than that they are people who have realized that nothing can be done about this fucked-up country.If some one tries to do any good,others will pull them down to their level.And is it just politics??Look at our film industry.Copying movies from the west.Look at our sports.Spending millions on IPL,but not 1 congratulations for world champion Pankaj Advani.YES…we are people who go where there is hype…that’s how a shithole movie like ghajini is a blockbuster and a movie like Mumbai Meri Jaan bites the dust.People blame the brain drain on selfish young people.They say this generation has become selfish.Let me ask them something.WHY THE FUCK SHOULD WE GIVE A DAMN ABOUT INDIA??WHAT THE FUCK HAS IT GIVEN US EXCEPT HARDSHIPS,SHAME,TERROR,RELIGIOUS RIOTS,WAR AND GOD KNOWS WHAT OTHER CRAP??This country is dying.But no,don’t say that!!!Force a smile on your face!!!And say mera bharat mahan.

By the way,nowadays when India plays cricket,I change the channel and watch the ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE.

My Own Affirmation

(with due apologies to Savage Garden.This is just my tribute to their song)


I believe that everyone should have their own opinion.

I believe that Clark Kent is more like-able than superman.

I believe that 18 isn’t the age to lose virginity.

I believe that soccer is more popular than Christianity.

I believe that one lifetime isn’t enough for our hopes and dreams.

I believe that people may not always be just as they seem.

I believe our actions alone decide our destiny

I believe that love and hate are more important than money.

I believe that success alone should never decide our fate

I believe Saint Peter is still standing by the Pearly Gate.

I believe we shouldn’t ever believe anything blindly.

I believe that now this song should come to an end finally.

I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned.

I believe you cant appreciate real love until you're burned.

I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side.

I believe you don't know what you've got until you say good-bye.

Seventh Heaven

Have you ever thought how it would be like to do whatever you wished to do for just one day?I thought a lot about.We live within so many bindings now-a-days that the real us is lost somewhere deep within us.We have become mechanical.We do certain things we don’t like to do but have to do because its decent its normal.”NORMAL” is the operative word here.So what would I do if I had one day to myself to do whatever I wished for without any bindings?

12.00 am-I would declare myself the President of the United States and withdraw troops from Iraq.I would stay at the White House for a couple of hours and enjoy a president’s life…but gotta go…time is short….so I stay here for only 3 hours….ha ha…

3.00 am-I would travel to Hollywood and sign Al Pacino for a tamil film starring Rajnikanth.In the movie Rajnikanth is the hero and Al Pacino is the villain,the leader of the USA army.Rajnikanth fights the entire USA army,navy and air forces with one hand tied behind his back and his blind-folded.Oh yes,he beats them without breaking a sweat.

7.00 am-I would buy all the shares(no financial binding remember?) of Warner Brothers and DC comics.From the next month DC comics will publish a weekly issue of Drona.1^st issue guest stars the Batman.Go collect your issue now!!I am sorry…from next month.

10.00 am-I am sitting in J.K.Rowling’s living room.She has agreed to start writing Harry Potter books again.I made her an offer she couldn’t refuse.

12.00 noon-I am having lunch at the Beverly Hills surrounded by Penelope Cruz,Salma Hayek,Monicca Bellucci and Keira Knightley.Mr Tom Cruise are you watching?

2.00 pm -I am here in Italy and have just bought a Ferrari.Michael Schumacher was the salesman.i am taking it to India without the taxes.Now I am going for a test drive.Penelope Cruz is sitting beside me.

5.00 pm-That test drive took a while.Me and Penny we went to the countryside.Stopped the car and enjoyed the scenary.I proposed to her and she said that she has been in love with me,the moment she first saw me.(YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND I SWEAR I AM GONNA BREAK EVERY TEETH YOU HAVE…OR IS IT TOOTH?)

7.00 pm-I am back in India.I have just signed Cristiano Ronaldo for Mohun Bagan.We are gonna thrash East Bengal the next time we play.

9.00 pm-I have completed banning all the television serials in the country.Ekta Kapoor is nearly crying but I ask her to go and make movies.I even give her dvds of a few English movies and albums of a few Pakistani bands from where she can rip off.

11.00 pm-All exams of any university just got cancelled.Guess who’s behind it?

12.00 am- I wake up.Its awfully hot and I am drenched.The open lab copy before me doesn’t look inviting at all.On the computer the news updates show Mohun Bagan has lost their match.

And all of a sudden I feel glad that finally normality is restored.