Sunday Afternoons

I still remember the first time I met her. It was a hot April Sunday afternoon. We had bonded momentarily over the works of Satyajit Ray.  There was nothing extraordinary about her. Just another culturally inclined Bengali woman.

It’s hard for me to remember when exactly I developed feelings for her. But I believe it began almost a year and a half after we first met. On a despondent, rainy Sunday afternoon.  I was being driven mad by the tedious monotony of existence. And she came like a storm. No complexities, no intricacies. And she blew all the sewage away from my mind. Something extraordinary about her. She made everything seem effortlessly simple.

I remember the first time I heard her sing. It was a lazy, indifferent Sunday afternoon. I have heard a million songs in my life, but never before have I been filled instantly with an overwhelming flood of emotions.  After that day, her songs were treats I fervently anticipated. Like you wait for the next part of your favourite story when the last part has ended in a  cliff-hanger. Something extraordinary about her. It’s like the King of Ghosts from the aforementioned Mr. Ray’s films has gifted her the voice of an angel.

I remember our first day of courtship. It was a fading Monday evening. The world was rushing me by and then she appeared and just like that, as if by some powerful magic spell, the whole world froze. I don’t remember the conversation we had. I just remember feeling that I was finally home. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, as if afraid that if I did so, she would disappear and I would wake up. Something extraordinary about her. She could stop time and make a hopeless man dream.

In this journey of life, we often take each other for granted. We often forget the moments of magic. It would help, if on some idle, commonplace Sunday afternoon, we could recall those beautiful moments that make life worth living. It would help if we could remember the moments we fell in love. Because, as some great men once sang, all you need is love, love is all you need.

My City

My dear beloved city.

You hate me.

You love me.

You tower high above me;

And yet you never look down

On me.You’re always around

When I need you.

Sometimes we fight,

Playfully like old friends

Sometimes you stab me

From the back

Right in my heart.

You kill me with your cruelty

Because you know

I will still love you.

My cruel,heartless city.

You’re an old friend

Who understands my pains.

And like a twisted nemesis

You exploit them.

And leave me reeling

Time and again.

And as I fall,you laugh

Like the sadist you are.

Because you know

I will still love you.

You Just Got Censored

Foreword:Read this quickly.No telling when the censor guys come around and censor the sense out of this little ol' post.

So the entire internet community is in an uproar over Kapil Sibal’s attempt to censor material on certain sites on the internet.And can you blame them?The internet is supposed to be free.No not THAT free-that’s illegal and called piracy,shame on you if you indulge in it.By free I mean the freedom of speech-the freedom to call someone a douche bag sitting in your dark basement room trying to sound badass and dissing movies on message boards.Yes I know you also use the internet to search for erotica-shame on you again.Point is the internet allows you freedom real life doesn’t.So naturally censoring the internet WILL cause an uproar.People will be angry.But from experience and history we know that people are as often right as they are wrong.So let’s analyze this a bit.

Does the internet need a guardian?That’s the first question.I would say yes it does.We all know of cyber frauds,cyber crimes,etc.So yes it does need a guardian.Next question-does content on the internet need to be censored?Suprising though it may seem,the answer is YES IT DOES.The most obvious question which arises next is why?Well for many reasons-For example,suppose someone uploads a formula for making bombs,suppose some fundamentalist is spreading his warped twisted theories and brainwashing young people.There can be various other reasons but I think we have established the fact that yes often content on the internet needs to be censored.For the greater good (Winks).

Now comes the question-is the Indian government right in censoring material on the internet?My first reaction is that it depends-if he’s going to censor what some teenager writes on Facebook then it’s absolutely pointless.Yeah many people may abuse politicians on the internet but it’s not causing them any harm is it?Cricketers and filmstars have been getting this hatred for ages-the fanboys of two rival superstars in India are always at loggerheads and abusing the holy hell out of each other.So this basically seems kinda pointless if not downright petty and fascist.However if this censorship is used to censor some bank robber somewhere from planning a bank robbery with his fellow robbers on Facebook or something like that then I guess it’s useful.The last line sounds mindblowingly stupid no?That’s because it is.

In the end I would have to say I don’t know if Mr Sibal has any hidden agendas or motives (he’s a clever man no doubt) behind this,but I’d have to say up front this sounds a really bad idea-one which has expectedly not found close to as much love among the internet community as Kolaveri Di.

The Sands of Time

The grass withereth,the flower fadeth;

Time goes on and dreams go dead.

Unanswered prayers become forgotten,

Dreams of the young grow cold and rotten.

The mundane weighs heavily on him

Penance for some inadvertent sin?

The stars call out but his sky is black;

This hopeless reality holds him back.

Some dark cloud follows him around.

It sheds no light and it makes no sound;

It rains down heavily and extinguishes

The bright flames of his deepest wishes.

He could have,but didn’t want to run away

Coulda escaped but he’d much rather stay

Than take the easy road ,betray his kind;

Sell out his spirit-his very soul and his mind.

And now he’s tired and the hour is late,

His feelings are rusted,his dreams all dead .

The grass withereth;The flower fadeth.

Fun?Not Exactly! What bothers and annoys me about the Pujas

So the festive season is here.People all around are dee-lighted and basking in the festive atmosphere(I have no idea what that means).Except me.And NO,I am not an atheist,I don’t have anything against idol-worship or the Goddess.I dislike a lot of things about the Pujas pertaining to the mortals who celebrate it.Here's some of them:

1.Overcrowded streets-The streets,roads,alleys,by-lanes are all overcrowded,and all you can see around you is an ocean of human heads.Someone’s elbow hits you on the back,you try to turn and bump your head against someone,someone treads on your foot,you try to jump and accidentally hit an old guy behind you and everyone around stares at you like you’re the worst human being in the world.How is THAT any fun?

2.The walking-It may be just me,but some evil psychotic friends of mine love walking during the pujas.Mile after mile after mile.Maybe they derive some kind of sick masochistic pleasure from this because I simply don’t get what’s the fun in walking for hours in the scorching heat or the rain,tiring yourself out and ruining the new clothes you’ve just broken out.

3-Overpriced/Low quality food-I don’t know what is it during the pujas,but it seems the price of food increases and the quantity/quality decreases during Pujas.If you want to get into a barely average restaurant you have to wait for 3 hours outside to get that overpriced food.I am sorry but this is fun-HOW?Am I missing something?

4-Noise pollution-Yes,noise pollution.The puja pandals all playing the latest Hindi chartbusters in full volume.Somehow I really don’t think the Goddess really wants to hear that during the Pujas.However it could be just me,and maybe everyone really enjoys the trashy Bollywood songs played during the Pujas.

5-The theme pandals-This is what annoys me the most perhaps.The pujas have now become gimmicks,gimmicks to win various awards.Whatever happened to the good old sabeki pandals,where there won’t be 40000 people at a time and where you can sit and chat with your friends/family? The homely feeling associated with those times just isn’t present in these theme pujos.It feels like a mockery.

Did I mention the food?Oh yes...I did.Sorry...well that’s that then.So basically these are the stuff about the Pujas which bother me.things I don't like.But to all those who do,have a blast!Enjoy yourselves.

This Ol' Town

The old man has lost his glasses

The little boy’s scared of a clown

The young man lost a friend  tonight.

And the sheriff-he’s lost this town.

The night is oh so very black.

Clouds hide the stars & the moon

The scared little boy’s now happy.

His father has bought him a balloon.

A thug comes out of the shadows

His hands clasp a shiny metal.

A shot rings out through the night.

The old man-he cries out and falls.

The sheriff has his head in his hands.

He’s watched his beloved town fall

He’s watched them take over the city

And there is no one he can call.

The young man shivers-it’s cold

He’s walking these streets alone

His friend went to join the army

Young lad never came back home

This town has come alive tonight

It’s like an autocrat on crack.

It’s twisted like a psychopath’s mind.

Can we ever take this ol’ town back?

The Lonely Rider

The western sky grows crimson

The sun sets below the horizon

Folks end their work for the day

But the lonely rider rides on.

He hasn’t slept a wink in days

His mates have gone  their separate ways

He’s been left to ride alone

Left to wander on his own.

Our lonely hero wears a frown

Wanders about from town to town

Singing songs and righting wrongs

Stopping awhile in this journey long.

He comes in every day and age

Angry as the fire,calm as a sage

Whenever people need someone

He will be there, he’s their man.

And after he’s saved the day.

He’ll be  off again on his way.

On his horse,to meet his fate

Riding away into the sunset.

Broken Memories

I had some time to think about the past

The smiles,the tears,the unbroken trust;

That time of life when we all were naive

And yet we had the time of our lives.

We had not a care in this whole wide world

Would end up like this,who coulda foretold?

Our lives were simple and our biggest worries-

Were about the heroes in adventure stories.

We should have known it was too good to last

Those days are memories covered with dust

Now even in victory we cannot seem to win

Can’t seem to fight off the demons within.

Perhaps we changed,perhaps we lost our faith

Maybe that’s the reason our love turned to hate

Perhaps all we need to do is find the kid within

Perhaps we need to stop always trying to win.

Maybe if we weren’t too busy hunting glory

We could have had our own Cinderella stories:

Too late for a fairy tale for this world weary traveller

Too late for “and everyone lived happily ever after.”

Letter to the Indian media

Dear Indian media,

I woke up today morning,got the newspaper and a full page advert of the Indian Premier League jumped out at me.The front page converted to a full page advert.This was the case with both the newspapers I read.Same thing happened when I open the TV.Regarding this I have some points for not just the print media but the entire Indian media.

I am not a politically inclined person.I keep track of the  political happenings of the country but I am not much interested in politics.However as living in this country you can’t help knowing some things like India winning the cricket World Cup or an Aamir Khan movie is releasing,Similarly you can’t help knowing about certain things-Like the IPL scam,the Adarsh society scam.Like the 2G scam.Like all the other scams.So I happen to know as any ordinary Indian would that there is something wrong.There is corruption in this country.Now that we have established the fact that corruption does exist,We come to our next point-Anna Hazare.I happened to hear that a man called Anna Hazare has started a fast-unto-death protest against corruption.I came to know from a Facebook note even more about this man and this bill he is proposing.And even to a non-political person like me it seemed to be a very important news story.Much much more important than the Indian Premier League-which is no doubt a showcase event for the country but in all fairness that’s what the sports pages at the end are for.So I want to make certain points.

1)What made you think that the IPL’s advert is more important than not alone the Anna Hazare story but than any other story happening in the country.Can you explain?

2)There has been a tendency to highlight even the most trivial issues related to showbiz and cricket.Like how a certain model promises to bare all if the team wins the cricket world cup.Like how  a starlet experienced a wardrobe malfunction,like how an Indian cricketer may get married,like how a certain actor is experiencing bad luck due to the stars.WHY ARE YOU SELLING NEWS AND NOT REPORTING IT?

3)I notice certain news channels-in fact almost all-try to portray certain political parties in a good light.All the while either taking potshots at the other party if not directly blaming them for so and so incident.Why is that?WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE SPIN DOCTORS?

You may think that since the TRPs keep coming the so the viewers must really like it,but you have no idea.Certain late night news channel anchors have become a mockery on certain social networking sites.Certain regional language news channels are the butt of jokes.That’s what you guys are turning yourselves into.A circus.Of course there are exceptions but they are far and few.If people watch news now that’s  because it amuses them.The same way they love watching TV soaps and Reality shows.Speaking of which some of you actually have programmes to analyze the happenings of the teleserials and bring people the latest inside scoop.You are putting the idiot in the idiot box have no illusions about that.Maybe it’s high time you should stop worrying about earning TRPs and sponsorship money and started worrying about earning respect.

Yours truly,

An annoyed ordinary Indian.

The Night

I stand between the gargoyles , above the tower at night

It’s pouring down and windy-there ain’t  a soul in sight

I think about the good things and the bad things I have done

And all I seem to come up with is how that night I run;

Since then his ghost has haunted me-kept me up at nights

Till he drove me to insomnia,to these dizzying heights.

So now I stand so high above ground-yet my head hangs low

I jump into the dark and silent night, Quietly I let go.

The dark night,

The silent night,

The sympathetic night,

The cruel night,

The just night.

My best friend is the night.

My worst nightmare is the night.

It knows all my secrets.

Wordless

Wordsworth had a writer’s block-it drove him mad

He lost words worth millions-words were all he had.

I never could use words like he could-not even close

Can never express myself beautifully-even in prose

Because the rage in my heart fills me,chokes me up

Much like South Africa at every cricket World Cup.

I’m a coward at heart,a whiner,a wannabe,a rat

I ain’t Richard the lionheart –believe me I know that.

I use anger as a shield,a disguise to cover my fears

Shout at me,you never know-I might well be in tears

I wish I had courage-courage to face my demons.

I wish I had words-A nice vocab and some puns.

I also wish I was a rich playboy-superhero of  the nights

Fighting crime,scaling rooftops-dressed in revolting tights

In the end i wish I could write something to make you cry

But hopelessly wordless as I am-am just gonna say goodbye.

P.S:Pray for Japan people.Pray that God gives them the strength to overcome these adversities and emerge stronger than before.

The Dying Star

I am too tired to banter with you -I am too tired to fight

I am tired of judging you-Judging what’s wrong and right

The night is young,but I am old-a hundred and a score years old

We have been raising the stakes all night-now’s the time I fold.

You can keep my pride and fire

You can keep my fight and desire

I fell so hard and fell so far-I can’t get back up again

My best friend is the dying star-I can’t stand it’s pain.

I wish I could ride into the sunset-into the wild wild west

But this war ain’t over by any means-ain’t no time for rest.

Superman

Superman Superman

High in the sky above the skyscrapers.

Looking like a costume-clad Don Draper.

Saving the earth daily and Lois Lane too

Superman-all of us down here love you.

Superman Superman

Batman’s awesome but he can’t inspire

The way you do-we can only admire

The way you fight for us-billions of strangers

Putting yourself through a thousand dangers

Superman Superman

You don’t need to be brooding or dark

You don’t need to growl or bark

You do your stuff with a smile on your face

Up,up and away-in your red and blue dress

Superman Superman

He has a crush on the beautiful Ms Lane

His best pal is the young Jimmy Olsen

Lex Luthor may try in a thousand ways

But Superman thwarts his plans always

Superman Superman

Ages go by and people grow old

Philosophies change,hearts grow cold

But look up at the sky whenever you can

That’s not a bird or a plane-that’s Superman.

Disclaimer-This is just a tribute to one of my favourite superheroes and my first childhood hero-Superman.I don't own any of the mentioned characters.This is just a fanboy expressing his love.

A Kolkata Tale II

This is the second part of A Kolkata Tale.You can read the first part of A Kolkata Tale here- A Kolkata Tale

Amit’s diary-

08 February 4 am

It’s  4 am in the morning and  I’m up writing.I am usually a late sleeper but I found it very difficult-scratch that-impossible to sleep last night.Usually when I am up all night it’s usually watching a game of soccer or doing work stuff.But last night-well last night I just couldn’t sleep.Would you believe that?So many years gone by man and I still can’t help remembering her on this day.Maybe I wouldn’t have if I didn’t run into her last year with that Hrithik Roshan look-alike toy wonder arm-candy of hers.But still,Hrithik or no Hrithik I shouldn’t be thinking of her.Not today.Not after so many years.Heh.Maybe if I had the brains I could have opened some hotshot website in the aftermath of her pain and become a billionaire by now and had a movie made on me.Maybe I should call her.Like right now.Tell her I miss her.No no get a grip on yourself you moron.Don’t even think about that.Are you nuts?She is happy in her life now why do you wanna spoil that?Isn’t it enough you hurt her badly once?I am gonna go get some sleeping pills now.Try and sleep it off.Maybe if I am lucky tonight’s the night I will OD and it will all end.

08  February 12 noon

Ok that was weird.I finally fell asleep and dreamt that I had become a footballer.A striker at that.I was approaching the empty net with the ball at my foot but when I kicked it,it went out over the post.And I suddenly heard her voice calling from the gallery-“You are a failure.You have let me down.” Soon she was joined by my friends in the gallery,my teachers and many people I knew.They were all chanting “Failure!” at me.I tried to run but no matter how hard I ran I was rooted to the spot.And they were getting closer.Kinda like zombies.Just then I woke up sweating all over.Wow that was just like a sequence out of Federico Fellini movie.Surreal.Damn I really gotta get her out of mind.Maybe I should call her.Clear things up.No no NO!!!Things like those happen only in movies.That too crappy bollywood movies.Damn I so hate that Hrithik Roshan wannabe!He could open a business.Hrithik Roshan-stealing girlfriends since 2000.DAMN I CAN’T BELIEVE I SOUND SO CHEAP!Well fuck it.Am off to see if there’s something to eat in the fridge.

08 February 4 pm

Well that was time well-spent.What a fuck-all movie!Why do they even bother making movies like this?And no sir it didn’t help me take my mind of her like Aniket suggested.Aniket is a good friend isn’t he?I mean he’s an absolute idiot but he’s got his heart in the right place and that’s what counts I guess.He won’t dump me surely.Or won’t he?Nowadays I can’t be sure.Okay that was kinda gay.Not that I have anything against gay people.Damn I am really going into a melodramatic overdrive.I really should call her.Maybe in the meantime I can auction off my self-respect and dignity as well.But what’s self-respect and dignity in case of love?Nothing,nothing I tell you,nothing!Ok seriously I don’t think I love her.I guess Woody Allen was right.This really is painful because she’s unattainable.Yes I truly want to be a member of the club which doesn’t want to have ,me.I am neurotic now.I know.Off.

08 February 10 pm

Ok seriously I shouldn’t even be writing at this point.I have been drinking for an hour and things seem very shaky all around.Like I’m on a ship.Aniket fell asleep talking about the numerous flings he had recently.Sometimes I envy him.I wish I could be like that.I once met a couple of Ani’s  lady “friends”.To use Sheldon Cooper’s expression-dumber than a bag of rocks.Maybe I shouldn't judge.After all,what am I?I guess I am not calling her tonight.I might.I don’t think I will be in complete control of my faculties for long the rate at which I am drinking.Anything that happens after that I am not responsible for.Well that’s it I guess.Signing off now.

“You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line”

-Johnny Cash,”I walk the line”

The Greatest Performer

Come gather round him everyone

Saints and sinners,

Losers and winners,

Sisters and brothers,

Forget all others.

Come gather round him folks

Highwaymen and sailors,

Prisoners and jailors,

Noblmen and commoners,

Forget all others.

Come gather round him people

Spies undercover,

Newlywed lovers,

Scholars really clever,

Forget all others.

For you’re gonna see tricks that will make your heart stop

You’re gonna see wonders that will make your jaw drop.

His tricks will leave you gaping,his act will blow your mind

An evergreen showman like him-You know you’ll never  find

Introducing

Harun Al Rashid-Boghdad-er khalifa,juggler-er badshah

(the Caliph of Baghdad,the Badshah of jugglers)

P.S-This post is a tribute to the character Harun Al Rashid from the timeless Phatik Chand-a novel by Satyajit Ray,one of the greatest cultural personalities of the world ever.

Fernandez

Fernandez was a guitarist

Fernandez was a jolly lad.

Fernandez lived an easy life

Satisfied with what he had.

Fernandez liked simple things

Fernandez didn’t like to fight.

Fernandez liked staying home

Than going out late at night.

Fernandez was dutiful

Fernandez never shied away

Fernandez always gave his all

“A  darn good fella”  as they say

Well  everything was going fun till one day...

One day...

Fernandez fell in love.

Now Fernandez does all the things he’d usually never do.

It’s almost like a different Fernandez-not the one we knew.

His friends got annoyed with him and his guitar got ignored.

It seems a long long time ago that he played the last chord.

I told you this tale to show how Fernandez got destroyed

You can see love destroyed him-you don’t have to be Freud.

So all you merry fine young men-all you jolly jolly lads.

Try and stay away from love-be sensible,don’t be mad.

Wishes

I wish I was a cowboy

In some forgotten western flick

Riding down a valley

Wowing gals with tricks

Playing an organ in the night

When the stars are out

And the town is quiet

Pouring out my troubles

To my friend-John,the barkeep.

I wish I was a farmer

Living in the countryside

A peaceful life

A beautiful wife

And Rex,the labrador

By my side.

Work in the fields hard all day

A delicious meal later

Hitting the hay.

I wish I was a country singer

In a long black overcoat

Travelling from town to town

Singing songs I wrote

Not a care in the world

Pleasing people young and old

I wish I wasn’t me

Struggling to come to terms

With my reality

Insecurities killing me

Sorrow anew filling me

Unkind words leaving me

A little dead each day.

No Going Back

Say no to drugs and wannabe gangsta thugs

The night may be young but what’s that to me?

Elvis has left the building quite some time back

And you are still waiting-aww dude don’t you see?

The show’s over-party’s ended-go home and sleep

The jokes are old-the food’s cold-girl you can weep

Ain’t no going back now-things changed forever

You dont have a clue do ya?am trying to be clever

Universal admiration I ain’t gonna get homie

Won’t understand me,unless you really know me

But this ain’t about me-that ship has already sailed

This is about the people I know-people I have failed

I just wanted to say-I know-I really let you down

But that’s me-never the hero-always the clown

So I hope you forgive me-coz I really love ya all.

Hope ya take it in your stride-the rise and the fall.

The Truth

“What is the truth?”-Pontius Pilate trying to be a smartass.

“You want the truth?You can’t handle the truth.”-Jack Nicholson on Tom Cruise wanting to sleep with The Truth.

“I always tell the truth.Even when I lie”-Al Pacino on how he rats out everyone's secrets to Inspector The Truth.

Truth-(not to be confused with the pro-wrestler with the in-ring name R-Truth who knows just one silly rap song and sings it every time and has jobbed in more matches than anyone in the history of pro-wrestling.And all characters in this article are fictional.Including the pro-wrestler mentioned in the previous sentence.Any resemblance is purely co-incidental.Now go chew on that.)

The truth is one of the most ambigious characters in human history.It is often said to be biased towards victors and unfair towards the defeated.The Truth could also be a bad sit-com starring Gerard Butler and Jon Cryer where there is nothing to laugh about but the laughter track is still rolling on the floor laughing.But that is just digressing from  the point of the article which is to find the truth.

The truth is someone whom  everyone claims to be looking for but no-one actually likes.

Case in point-

“I am a really bad person”-to this statement the answer in 90 percent of the case should be yes TRUTHfully.But the tried and tested answer which works in this case is “No your not”.

Truth has a hot girlfriend called Lies-whom everyone likes because she’s kind of a slut and usually satisfies everyone.As is the hypocritic nature of human beings everyone claims to hate lies but everyone is in bed with her.Yet truth sticks with this cheating bitch because without Lies there won’t be the Truth.

In his young age the truth used to be a very athletic and gullible guy.All brawns no brains.That’s why he could easily be twisted and manipulated.Nowadays no one bothers with that though.Whenever there’s a job to be done everyone employs his girlfriend.

Truth used to be bosom buddies with the fictional character Yudhistira-But he wasn’t much of an adviser.When he listened to truth Yudhistira lost his kingdom,had to go live in a forrest and share his wife with his 4 bro-hams.But one day after he listened to his other pal Krishna instead of Truth-he got back everything.Since then truth is never the best friend of everyone.

Truth is usually disliked by most because he is very arrogant and brash and doesn’t care for people’s feelings.Then there’s this dude called Poetic Justice whom Truth can’t stand and hamper his work at every possible chance.

Despite all his shortcomings-everyone meets Truth once in a life face to face-and even though he is a no-good angry foul-mouthed son of a bitch-most usually feel lighter after they have met him.Which is why I guess he still lives on to this day.

And with that I conclude this article.My parents did not send me to study engineering for this.Yet this is how pathetic I have become.And that’s the TRUTH.

A Long Forgotten Story

People  don’t change all of  a sudden.People change bit by bit over time.Until they change so much that they become unrecognizable.People change because of various reasons.But a reason has to be there.Otherwise why would someone with a perfectly happy life change?I know you are wondering by now what this is all about-well,this is about my friend Rajeev.He was once my best friend.

Rajeev and I became friends at a very young age.Two frightened kids united by their fear of the unknown on the first day of school.Since then we were thick as thieves.As long as we were in school we did everything together.We played together,we fought against other kids together-we got caught and got punished together.Ah,those days!I think they have a name for that-they call it Utopia.

This went on for 10 years.We saw each other grow up-Our topics of discussion would change from cartoons and superheroes to girls and soccer.I remember at one point of time-we had crush on the same girl.FYI-she wasn’t interested in either of us.But that didn’t stop us from having a good laugh.

In Class 9,our sections were changed due to different additional.Now we got to see less of each other-We couldn’t hang out as much as we used to.Moreover I saw he made some new friends-Some people who didn’t have the best of reputation in school.I was kind of shy and introvert so I couldn’t make that many friends-Or any close friends at all.I concentrated on my studies.Meanwhile the changes in Rajeev were so marked that everyone was beginning to notice it.His dressing style had changed-he always had a cigarette between his lips.I tried to talk to him 2-3 times about this.Asked him why he had become like this-He used to react harshly on these occasions-told me that I had no right to judge him and that his new friends were far better friends than I ever was.

We reached class 11-12 and  we grew further apart.Despite not being close friends anymore Rajeev had always kept contact with me.He used to call me up late at night when he was feeling sad or when he was in trouble.I missed my friend-so I used to take whatever time I could get with him.But now he even stopped calling me anymore.Sometimes his mother would call me up and ask me about his activities in school-I had no answer for her and it is at these moments I felt guilty and in some ways responsible for Rajeev.In the meanwhile I was in a lot of trouble myself with poor grades and studies-So I couldn’t concentrate on Rajeev’s problems any more.And slowly he faded from my mind.

After school ended I didn’t see him anymore.I went through college-wasn’t too successful.And in this struggle for existence I had forgotten about Rajeev completely.

More than 25 years have gone by.I am now in my 40s a typical middle-class Bengali man struggling to make ends meet for his family.Today I was reading the morning newspaper while having tea as usual  when an article caught my eye-

“Gangster killed in shootout”

You guessed it right.The black and white picture underneath this caption belonged to my school friend Rajeev Sengupta.He changed so much as a human being over the years but his physical appearance was nearly the same.Handsome as ever.And the photograph brought so many memories back.I don’t think I will be able to concentrate at work today.

In the end I would like to say this-I don’t know the reason for his change.I don’t know whether his philosophy of living life on the edge was worse than my philosophy of living life safely in a hole.From this tale all I can tell you is that-I miss my school friend.Maybe if we were together our lives could have turned out better.Because no relationship is as unselfish and giving as the one among two best friends.