Wednesday, March 18, 2009

GUILTY CONSCIENCE:A PARODY?

OK so this is not the first time this has happened.And I can bet my lunch for a day that this wont be the last time either.I mean can you guys believe it?How can anyone do this?oh sorry…I should have explained.

Ok this is what happened.I never attend Maths classes in college.I mean its not that I hate maths(basically there is nothing to hate about maths….its a very lovable subject…if you hate it…it means you suck in maths)I just hate the teacher and the way she teaches.I still remember the 1st day I attended her class.She droned on for 90 DAMN MINUTES FOR GOD’S SAKE!!that day I told myself-I wont attend her classes and if any of my friends does…I will make that person my sworn enemy and do everything to make his life miserable..I mean come on…some teachers are horrible but damn gorgeous!!This one looks like Suniel shetty if he put on 40 more kilos and wore a sari.So you can see that I was very much right to bunk her class.

But you know there is a Bengali proverb-“shukhe thakte bhuute kiloy”….literally meaning that when you are happy a ghost punches you…but basically meaning that when there is no problem in your life you yourself invite it.So today morning I had gone to college…bunked the class,and sat down for a game of cards(ok…ok….OK….I know they don’t let me play coz I am a horrendous player…but I sit with them everyday ok??) when suddenly I had an attack of conscience…I will refer to my conscience as Anish idiot and myself as anish….here is the conversation between us…

ANISH IDIOT:HEY YOU….WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING??

ANISH:WHO IN THE BLOODY GREEN WORLD ARE YOU??

AI:I AM YOUR GODDAMNED CONSCIENCE…

A:HEY ARE YOU ALLOWED TO SWEAR?

AI:I AM YOUR CONSCIENCE NOT SOME GODDAMN PRIEST…AND YOU DIDN’T ANSWER ME…WHAT ARE YOU DOING??

A:CANT YOU SEE OR ARE YOU BLIND AS WELL AS DUMB??I AM TRYING TO GET RONY TO GET UP SO THAT I CAN PLAY IN HIS PLACE…

AI:YOU HAVE BEEN TRYING THAT FOR THE LAST 6 MONTHS WITHOUT SUCCESS….MAYBE IF YOU USED THAT TIME TO STUDY YOU WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY MANAGED TO AVOID THE SUPPLI….

A:OH YOU JUST HAD TO BRING UP THE SUPPLI DIDN’T YOU??DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN THERE IS IN MY LIFE??DID YOU KNOW-

AI:HERE HE GOES AGAIN…1 CHANCE…NO…JUST HALF A CHANCE AND HE IS STARTED…HEY I KNOW YOUR TRAGIC STORY OK…MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONSIDER SELLING IT TO A TOLLYWOOD FILM-MAKER….YOU COULD HAVE A SUPERHIT POTBOILER “JIBONER DUKKHO BAROI SUKKHO”(THE PAIN OF LIFE IS VERY SUBTLE) WITH PROSENJIT ACTING IN YOUR ROLE....

A:WHAT YOU DARE TO MAKE FUN OF ME???DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN-

AI:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH…….YOU KNOW YOU ARE MORE LETHAL THAN OSAMA AND DAWOOD PUT TOGETHER….YOU CAN JUST BORE A PERSON TO DEATH……ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TELL THEM YOUR PAINFUL STORY…OVER AND OVER AGAIN…AND AGAIN….AND AGAIN….

A:JUST GET TO THE POINT OK??HOW COME YOU REMEMBER ME AFTER SUCH A LONG TIME….I MEAN THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU WAS IN CLASS 10….WHEN YOU WERE TO TRYING TO RUIN MY EXAM BY STOPPING ME FROM COPYING….

AI:YEAH THOSE WERE THE GOOD DAYS….REMEMBER THE TIME I MADE YOU CONFESS THAT YOU STOLE AND ATE TWO EGGS FROM THE FRIDGE…OH THE SPANKING YOU GOT….

A:HEY,HEY,HEY IF YOU ARE HERE TO RUB SALT…..

AI:OH NO NO NOT AT ALL….I AM HERE TO HELP YOU….

A:HOW…ARE YOU EVEN SOLID??IF NOT THEN HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GONNA GIVE RONY A KICK UP HIS BACKSIDE??

AI:NO I AM NOT HERE TO GIVE HIM A KICK UP HIS BACKSIDE…I AM HERE TO HELP YOU REDISCOVER YOUR PRIORITIES…..

A:HEY IF YOU THINK YOU CAN SOUND SERIOUS BY USING DIFFICULT WORDS….THEN YOU ARE MISTAKEN MY FRIEND….

AI:YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY???YOU THINK YOUR FATHER GOES TO WORK EVERYDAY AND WORKS HIMSELF OFF SO HIS SON CAN HAVE A NICE TIME SITTING ON HIS BACKSIDE PLAYING CARDS??YOU KNOW HOW MUCH DAMN MONEY HE SPENDS ON YOU AND HOW HARD HE WORKS TO EARN IT???DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE SACRIFICES JUST SO YOU CAN HAVE A GOOD EDUCATION???YES YOU DO!!!YES YOU DO!!!AND YOU DON’T CARE!!!YOU CHOOSE TO IGNORE IT!!!

A:I…I DIDN’T MEAN TO…I MEAN…I TRY TO….I AM SORRY…..YOU ARE SO VERY RIGHT….I AM REALLY SUCH A BAD BOY…..

AI:OH NOW DON’T START WHINING AGAIN…JUST GO AND ATTEND YOUR CLASS….

A:YES OF COURSE…..

And after that I came to attend the maths class.While doing the class there was a feeling of elation in my heart.I am finally doing it….I am finally getting my priorities right….I am-

“ROLL NO 7-ANISH DUTTA!!!”

I stood u and responded-“Yes Ma’am”…

“Well according to my attendance register this is your first class…did someone hold a gun to your head and send you to attend this class?”(chorus of laughter from my idiotic classmates).

And then I saw him….Mr Anish Idiot… standing behind that fat ma’am(yeah yeah..i know I am fat too)….and laughing the hardest….how I hate this &^%$#@!!!

But at least for 1 day…if only for 1 period….50 minutes…he gave me some hope of redemption….

4 comments:

Smoke, weed, novels and maths said...

brilliant !!

wait I said that to ANISH.

I don't like the sound of this IDIOT guy at all.
WHat are the utility of boring classes if we can't even bunk them??

Samadrita said...

Atleast u still have a conscience..leaves me with some hope! :) very nicely written!Write more.

Samadrita said...

Oh and I forgot to mention that the way u think your teacher looks like Suniel Shetty totally cracked me up!

Soumya said...

oh..really?....u really hav a conscience that speaks so good??...den where in this big world do you hide him!!!..I hav never seen him...but I must say, he's also lazy like u...he can come and make you stop playing cards, attend classes, but he doesn't show up during ur exam tyms!!....Or you just ignore him, which is your old habit...I think most of the tym your bad conscience overpowers the good!! :P