Monday, December 28, 2009
1.The King is Dead-An era in the history of world music ended this year as Michael Jackson,the enfant terible of world music passed away.Jackson left behind his fans,a music collection containing immortal classics and of course-The Moon Walk.His last days on earth were sad and lonely-hope he found peace at last.R.I.P Michael!!!
2.Nobel Man-The new American president Barack Obama won a Nobel Prize for peace.Whether it is deserved or undeserved is arguable.But it did provide Bloggers and the common man with a lot of wisecracks.The author feels that giving Obama the nobel for peace is taking it a little bit too far.
3.The fall and fall of Communism in Bengal-After ruling the state for more than 30 years,Communism seems to be on the wane as the Left Front lost in election after election this year.Besides elections they also lost important and veteran leaders which did not help their cause either.Whether they manage to remain in the government,time will tell.
4.A world of Recession-This year the world was hit by an economic recession which took it's toll on the entire world.People lost jobs everywhere,but mainly the capitalist countries took the biggest blow.Besides the engineering students.
5.KKR=Khan's Knight Riders-The second edition of the IPL took place in South Africa and the Knight Riders one of the most high-profile teams ended last due to some juvenile ego problems among the team's top brass.But they did knock out Rajasthan Royals.Damn,that felt good.
6.In a new Avatar-James Cameron challenged the way movies were made and came up with Avatar,an incredible visual experience.Adding Avatar to an already impressive resume containing The Terminator movies and The Titanic Cameron assured his status as one of the greats.
7.It's Real,Barca!!!-The Spanish football lovers had a wonderful time last year.One of their major clubs Real Madrid assembled a dream team which took the fans down the memory lane to the original Galacticos.While another of their big two-Barcelona won 6 trophies in one year.On a high,Espana!!!
8.It's in the blood?-Ranbir Kapoor became the latest superstar of Bollywood.Nowadays,all the lead stars of Bollywood barring a couple like Shah Rukh and John Abraham has had someone in the business before them.It's like a family business now.Maybe they should name them Familywood!!
9.The New Elvis?-Rapper Eminem broke his four year hiatus and returned to mainstream music with his latest album Relapse,adding fuel to the already raging debate if he is the Elvis Presley of rap.The author feels that Eminem has done enough to deserve this comparison.
10.And as for me-As far as I am concerned,I did Ok i guess.Could have done better,but hey!!I am not complaining.Have a Happy New Year everyone!!!
Patrick Swazye,the American actor,passed away.
Robert Enke,the German goalkeeper,passed away.
Paul Samuelson,American Economist and nobel laureate.
Slumdog Millionaire won 8 oscars reducing the Academy Awards to a mockery.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Dealing with your personal demons-
Have never been so difficult
Never been more easier.
Angry guy wannabe,everything's gone crazy
Backstreet Boys let it be-
fags like you shouldn't try this-
stick to songs about hugs and a kiss
No one will notice something's amiss
For God's sake!!that's what you call lyrics?
They don't hit me like a ton of bricks
Even Dylan's Christmas songs pack more force
But that doesn't bother all these media whores
Dunno what's up with me why so much anger
Dont remember since when I became a hate-monger
Infantile rhymes and juvenile rage
Write themselves and fly off the page
Meanwhile pirates of Piratebay
Marooned as lawsuits skyrocket
Nineteen percent and rising inflation
Burns a hole in every pocket
All in all,these days and I
Everything's not all well
Maybe some day they'll ban this blog
Maybe I'll go to Jail
TIll then I will keep ranting
Setting aside all fear
For now though it's goodbye fellas
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
B-Baghdad in a coup
C-Catalans in a mess
D-De Caprio craze
E-Empathize with me
G-Gestapo on my back
H-Hiroshima got whacked
J-Jurassic Park fries
L-Luca Toni fizzles
T-Trouble in paradise
X-Xenon burns bright
Z-Zero hour starts
Monday, November 02, 2009
"Fuck me..fuck this city-Fuck the biharis with their auto-rickshaws and three generations coming to our city in hordes and crowding it up,crossing streets like dickheads and when they get hit it’s the drivers fault.Fuck the Punjabis driving taxis and behaving oh so amiably with their parathas and chicken and beer watching sunny deol movies….GET SOME TASTE FOR GOD’S SAKE!!Fuck the South Indians with their curd rice and their goddamn tounge-twister of a language and idolizing Rajnikant...just acknowledge that hindi is the national language and Rajnikant is an old fat bum will ya????Fuck the Marwaris with their cashboxes and crores In banks and yet cringing when their employees demand a raise!!!Fuck their employees who go on strike at the drop of a hat claiming equality!!!Fuck the political parties who back them for cheap political mileage!!!!Fuck the Coffee House crowd with their intellectual discussions and big talks yet never doing except expressing sarcastically how everything is wrong with the city!!!Get a fucking job!!!Fuck the SC-ST crowd enjoying all the priveleges despite having all the advantages in life…You were oppressed 300 years ago!!!Move the fuck on!!!Fuck the Shopping mall hero-heroines with all their cooing and accented English!!! Get a hotel room…no one wants to see a porn movie!!!Fuck all the bangla bands guyw with long hair,a stubble and t-shirts with motherfucking jim morrison and bangla songs on their lips...GROW THE FUCK UP!!!Beatles never had to dress like this to sell their songs!!!Fuck the homosexuals now coming out of the closet since 377 is legal…Go open a gay bar and stop stalking normal people son of a bitches!!!Fuck the frustrated heterosexuals harassing our girlfriends and best friends….go die bastards!!!Fuck the Sector 5 people-self-proclaimed yuppies of Kolkata-Hrithik Roshan Saif Ali Khan wannabe motherfuckers!!!Fuck Tollywood and Prasenjit for destroying the name and reputation of our film industry!!!Go and die bitches!!!Fuck thepolitical parties and their battles…you guys are completely destroying our state…GO THE FUCK AWAY!!Fuck the village boys coming to Kolkata and booing every time a guy speaks to a girl…narrow mentality backward motherfuckers!!!Fuck the 9-5 employees satisfied with their fucked up lives and not prepared to do anything about it!!Fuck the high-society crowd spending 350 rupees on a single ticket for a bollywood movie…hello!!!We are going through recession remember!!!Fuck the pseudo football-maniacs shouting brazil argentina man u arsenal chelsea when they dont even know the name of the players....Fuck the CESC ….we have to spend hours without power because you sonofaguns cant do a fucking thing!!!Fuck the corrupt cops filing today’s complaint tomorrow and letting crime rates go up in the city…Fuck everyone from the posh Park Street Folks to the upstart Jodh pur park people!!From the intellectual nandan crowd to the uneducated bihari brotherhood…FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!!!
No Nightwing-Fuck you!!!
|so what do ya think?|
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Everywhere I look,the times are bad
Killing policemen is the new fad
In the neighbouring states,it was the new style-
Now in our backyard they open their file
And they say they fight for the greater good
Think themselves the modern robin hoods.
Well hurrah for robin you must be so proud
Stop killing innocents for crying out loud
And then there are so many other things on my mind
A moment of peace is so hard to find
Some dickheads at college are always on my back
They are always so ready to launch an attack
No matter how I try to ignore these punks
They are always all over me,acting like drunks
They tastelessly attack my school and my ways
This Is their idea of how best to spend days
I am tired of everyone trying to play judge
It’s as if all of these people hold a grudge
Against me,wonder how I became so hated
Maybe that’s destiny,maybe it was fated
I know I am not perfect,I doubt anyone is
But that’s no reason for you to say as you please
Great Expectations or Harsh times who can say?
So y’all can go to hell and have a nice day.
|so what do ya think?|
Monday, October 19, 2009
He looked like he was born in Rome;
His mother’s eyes filled with pride,
And tears too-a rare sight,
As she held her new-born boy.
His father beamed at his bundle of joy-
His voice felt choked,he said nothing
But his heart-oh,it wanted to sing
It was the happiest day of his life
He thanked God,and smiled at his wife
Their dreams had all come true at last
The tears were now a thing of the past
He came home
He now looked like the Prince of Rome
His ma’s features shone,as she saw her first-born
Her eyes showed her pride for the prodigal son.
His father smiled at how their son
Looked so handsome in his uniform.
His friends were stunned,one and all-
To see no tears at his funeral.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
You have to let it go
Leave the world of Dylan behind
Wild west,time does flow
Live in your times
Sing your songs
Don’t bother if it rhymes
Don’t bother if it’s wrong
Just try to put up a show
You wanna win someone over
You have to give something dear
Have to fight and bleed and fall
And have to lose your fear
Show some guts
Ask her out
No ifs and buts
Damn all doubts
Just try not to be a queer
Hey people.wanna hear a story?
It’s about alice and the hatter
He served her tea and cut her head
And then he put it on a platter
That’s how it happened
And not as they say
Everything’s not fine
Hide and pray
And hope you don’t meet Dr.Hannibal Lecter.
Gone are the days of jack and jill
Now is the time for a Righteous Kill
Can’t think straight would mean you are gay
Holla man you just made my day
Look into my eyes
What do you see?
Hate or love?
Nope it’s just indifference all the way.
Friday, October 09, 2009
Like an angel,she had wings.
She smiled at me and waved her wand
And took me to a magic-land.
She knew my name,she knew my heart
She knew how it had been torn apart
She knew the wounds that scarred my mind.
She knew the past,I have left behind
She held my hand and spread her wings
She took me high where fairies sing
The songs that kings felt lucky to hear
Wiped my mind of sadness and fear.
Then all of a sudden she left my hand
Cindrella’s time was up for the night
I returned back to Reality Land
Ready once more to enter the fight.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Settle down everybody
You’re in for an angry ride.
Oh all of yeh can condemn me;
But I’ll keep calling what I see.
I am the big bad referee
Loathed by all,especially Harry
Harry??Harry who??who else,Harry potter!!!
That’s the shit you read,you nutters;
Harry keeps thinking I am Snape
Why Harry??see me wearing a big,ugly cape??
But if grandpa Aamir can play Hari
Why can’t Storm be Halle berry?
I’m hated everywhere for running my mouth
I don’t just talk fellas!!damn,I SHOUT!!!
So I raped poetry,just let me be;
I am just a wannabe,not P.B.Shelley;
But just take a second to listen to my chants;
You will see there’s a little meaning in my rants.
See,I am not asking you to join my clan-
But the president there thinks he is Superman
He talks about how he was born in Krypton
And now he thinks he is the next Abe Lincoln
But Superman never called anyone “jackass”
Even though the guy in q is completely crass.
Meanwhile,all over people are brave with a gun
Take ‘em away and it’s-“run Forrest run”
That’s the shit we’ve been reduced to
You’re probably thinking-‘so,what’s new?/
What’s new is Jesus ol’ man's coming back
2012 is the time of attack,
Or so danny boy would have us believe.
Wonder what by that time,we all could achieve;
Ahh,what the hell if the world’s gonna pop
Maybe all the fighting and bloodshed will stop.
So hey all ye morons,just take second to think
All that ye have now,may vapourize in a blink.
Maybe yeh should take it easy,you know-get high.
Figure it out-meanwhile-this is Anish saying bye.
Friday, October 02, 2009
The thing is-about tagging.You see I don't like tags.Tag posts are extremely stupid and girly.It makes me feel like filling out a slambook.And boy,did i hate slambooks!!!I still do!!So basically my point is that tag posts are extremely corny and juvenile-like slambooks.It's just a personal opinion but there it is!!Did I say I dislike tag posts??I take it back...I LOATHE TAG POSTS!!They are generally extremely long,and they don't provide much entertainment to the reader as well.And I am not saying this just off-hand.Quite a few people told me that they positively dislike tag posts.
Another thing about tag posts is that they can ruin the mood of your blog-Take for example,my friend Atindriyo's blog "Barbaric,Mystical and Bored"-this blog is full of awesome poems(people do check out his blog-you will find the link in my blog's i follow list).So all of a sudden you throw in a stupid tag post-and the platform of romanticism and surrealistic nature of the blog completely crashes down.
However these are just my opinion.No offense to all those friends who tagged me.You guys are awesome...and you totally rock!!!But,do me a favour,no one please tag me in your posts from now on...I get sick of doing those long posts in which i find no interest in at all.And that's saying something coz if i don't get interest in something,chances are that nobody will.That's about it.Au Revoir.
P.S-Since the people who tagged me read the previous tag posts-I am deleting them coz I was nearly assaulted a little while back by two of my friends who read that post... :P
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
~Wipro has threatened to leave India after the Eden Gardens incident in which some angry tollygunge agragami supporters burnt down Eden Gardens after a cricket field brawl,ensuing from a dubious no-ball call,blew out of proportions.This is the third cricket-ground vandalism incident of the year.Although experts are at a loss how this would possibly effect wipro.I,my friends am at a loss thinking who these experts are.I saw a guy who used to pass the exams cheating in college being addressed as an expert
~After successfully having banned MTV,Channel V,Zoom,AXN,FTV among others the Shiv Sena party today urged the government to ban the sports channel Ten Sports as they felt the skirts worn by the female hockey players in hockey matches shown by the channel are indecent.On similar grounds they have also called for a ban on ESPN and Star Sports with respect to female tennis players.
~In a bid to cement their reputation as a secular party the Indian National Congress today passed a bill making Din-e-Elahi the national religion of Inida.
In related news ,members of the BJP today burned effigies of Superman and Batman showing their disapproval for what they term as the gay leanings of these American superheroes.A top BJP leader today stated that it was obvious that any male person who wore underwears on the outside was obviously gay.
~Sanjay Leela Bhansali today announced his next movie-Pink.Bhansali had previously made movies on six different colours most of which bombed-both commercially and critically.Undeterred,Bhansali is making his next movie which have a feministic theme and is about two college girls who will be played by Ranbir Kapoor and Aamir Khan.
~Himesh Reshammiya today quashed all rumours about dating Rakhi Sawant.In an impassioned statement the actor stated that his present situation was very frustrating but not even that frustrating.He also announced that he would be soon having a plastic surgery done and hopes to do a Michael Jackson.
~Meanwhile Abhishek Bachchan and John Abraham-who now rival the popularity of the SRK-Kajol pair are returning together again for their next movie-Dostana-se thoda zyada-In this movie Abhishek and John play a happily married gay couple whose lives are rocked by the arrival of a sexy stranger played by Hrithik Roshan.This is the 7th time they play a gay couple.Their last film together was Paap Punyam in which they played a star-crossed couple during the vedic ages.
~Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie today adopted their 32nd baby from a Chinese family.Pitt said that their aim was to reach 50 by 2020.
~In other news,Johnny Depp was arrested for the murder of 5 people in New York.Depp,known for his method acting,said he was preparing for his role as a serial killer in an upcoming movie.
~Sachin Tendulkar confirmed he will be playing for India in the next World Cup.
~Arsenal coach Arsene Wenger was sacked today after Arsenal’s 11th trophyless season.Wenger was almost immediately appointed the coach of the French national team.Wenger said it was like a homecoming for him.
~Cristiano Ronaldo today retired from football after 8 years with Real Madrid.When asked what were his plans for the future,Ronaldo replied that he was looking forward to opening a strip bar in his own house as he found it cumbersome to travel..
~The Sourav Ganguly coached Kolkata Knight Riders today suffered their 8th defeat of the season.Surprisingly all of these were by a single run.Owner Shah Rukh Khan said he had already sent an sms to each player to cheer them up.Cricket experts in Bengal however unanimously concurred that this was a clear conspiracy to end Sourav’s career as coach.
That’s the news from now.Thank you and good night.
Monday, September 28, 2009
I have to be a nice guy,who never picks a fight.
Even if I am damn pissed off,I have to keep it quiet.
Everytime I see something happening that I feel is unfair.
I have to look the other way,’cause I’m not allowed to swear.
No-I am supposed to be this gentleman,the regular decent guy;
Who,even when in a fuckin’ mess,isn’t allowed to cry.
Oops did I say the f-word,I am sorry I apologise.
Believe me,that’s a slip of tongue I don’t have any vice.
But then you wonder,if that’s so what happened with those ladies?
Those two who left me and walked away like running from dead alleys
For s________, I wouldn’t care less for she wasn’t there for me,
But donna-i thought you loved me-how could you let this be?
You never really loved me,did ya,isn’t that just a shame?
I bet after a couple of years now,you can’t recall my name
But that’s ok,I got over you a long time back
Although for that affair,I took a lot of flak.
Half my friends didn’t like what became of me,
But that’s all behind now-this is Anish version 3.3.
Now I would never write emo songs,am not a glory-hunter
But sometimes I get the feeling,I am headed for disaster.
Every friend I’ve ever had,I feel I am destined to lose
When you think about it,ain’t that enough to blow your fuse?
But me,and the people I know,we are tougher than that
Some of us has seen tragedies that make these seem flat
I just hope the bashing and cursing and the mud-slinging would stop
I accept I am nothing but an useless psycho fop
But I don’t want to take this shit from you,hell no!!
Coz this is my life ‘welcome to The Anish Show’
Maybe the night will finally pass,and dawn will come one day
Birds singing and a breeze blowing and no one calling me gay
Till that day comes,for all of us,my friends just grit your teeth
Coz I know you guys ,my brotherhood,you can take this heat.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I never measure what I can do
My only hope is that someday
Meeting you my dream comes true
I never wanted much you know
I only wish to stop this ache
O stranger of the darkest nights
Who art thou who keeps me ‘wake?
Oft I feel that I am jinxed
A curse to bear till end of time
Does this phantom have no cure?
Am I to live in rage and fear?
But then I remember all those times
When I was bruised and all alone
From the shadows,Oh my angel
You mended me and took me home
Perhaps you and I have met
In some destined turn of fate
Maybe you are by my side
Laughing at my sorry plight
Are you the great mighty God?
Who makes things move with just a thought
Or are you Lucifer from the hell?
All over men,who casts a spell.
May be its better the mystery stays
Till I sleep my final sleep
I am your soldier in all fights.
O warrior of the darkest nights.
Monday, September 21, 2009
The last period is going on.
The drone of the teacher’s voice
Is threatening to put me to sleep.
Keeping my eyes open is slowly
Becoming a Herculean task.
But there is a problem-
If I close my eyes and fall to sleep
The teacher might catch me
And throw me out of the class’(Embarrassing that!!)
Or no one may notice me
And go away leaving me
Locked in this classroom(Scary that!!)
So my friends-
No matter what happens you see
I have to keep my eyes open.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Its holidays like these that really bother me.Now,I don’t know if you know this,but I consider myself to be a very active and energetic person.When I have holidays I plan for them 10 days beforehand and I follow my routine of watching movies,reading comics or winning gang wars in computer games very strictly.So when the routine gets upset,so do I.But being a very persistent fellow,I decided not to waste the day,but use it for doing some constructive work.
The first thing that I thought of doing was studying and completing the syllabus for my forth-coming internals.On days like this when I feel like studying,I am a difficult guy to control.I started thinking.Maybe if I started studying now and study 8-9 hours straight I might get the syllabus for at least 3 subjects completed.I envisioned my mother urging me to stop studying and have dinner.”You have studied a lot” she is saying “I wont let you study anymore.You will become sick.Come and have some food.Watch a movie”;but I tell her “No ma,I gotta finish this right now;this is the only aim in my life;let me pursue this obsession of mine”.See this is how enthusiastic I get.But I have tremendous control over myself.And I exercise that control to keep myself away from books.See I have to do all these to protect my reputation.Because I firmly believe that the most valuable possession of a man is his reputation.Actually those were Shakespeare’s words (in whatever freaky old English he wrote,bless his soul).But he died about 400-500 years ago so I don’t think he would mind too much.
So anyways,I lost a lot of time in visualizing all this.”Damn” I thought irritably “There goes a perfectly usable half an hour.Totally wasted.I better begin watching a movie or something.”But it’s easier said than done.I began watching The Deer Hunter which I have heard was a classic.Moreover it starred Robert De Niro who is my favourite actor.A classic with your favourite actor.What could go wrong I ask myself?And I begin watching the movie.I wont go into the details because I myself do not like blabbering too much.There are a lot of people who keep talking even when it is perfectly clear that no one is interested in listening to them.I am the quiet type.When I speak it is to the point and witty.It’s my intellectual nature.I cant help it.
So anyways,to cut a short story long,firstly the sound of the movie was very soft.Yes it was audible enough,but not audible enough to distinguish the dialogues spoken in an American accent.Not one to give up though,I downloaded the subtitles and began watching the movie.However even here fate was against me.The subtitles were out of sync with the movie.Now I am not a guy to complain quickly but this was even too much for me.The subtitles appeared half-a-second earlier than the dialogues were spoken.That’s the quality of work done these days.Whatever happened to good decent men like myself?
Anyways by now it was time for me to take a shower and have my lunch.The morning was wasted.I cursed those confounded sociapaths and homophobs for qualifying for the quarters without informing me at least 5 days in advance.No sense of responsibility I think to myself.They made a nice hard-working lad like meself,idle away the entire morning.This is how the work culture of our country has detoriated.Honest boys led astray due to no fault of their own.I hope that I wont go down that road.I know you have enjoyed this account a lot but I am going to have to ask to take leave of you.HEY!this is free.How much more do you want??And really!!You don’t have to thank me for doing this…it was no trouble at all.
Friday, August 28, 2009
My heroes are non-living things.
Your heroes crack witty jokes.
My heroes are planning a hoax
Your heroes are hip and happening
My heroes are totally boring
Your heroes are smooth-talking SOBs
My heroes are street-smart hippies
Your heroes are loved by one and all
My heroes are the ones who take the fall
Your heroes always get a standing ovation
My heroes are hated all over the nation
Your heroes are very magnanimous
My heroes are downright infamous
Your heroes always have a pretty princess
My heroes hit girls without any distress
Your heroes fight the good fight
My heroes believe “might is right”
But in the end-
Yes,in the end-
Your heroes are god-like kings
My heroes are real human beings
Thursday, August 27, 2009
1.Kolkata-the city of joy?More like the city of broken dreams.
2.3 A.M. in the morning is very beautiful.And……you have insomnia.
3.People just need an excuse to make friends.Or quarrel in a crowded bus.
4.People are damn irritating.This statement isn’t a judgement.Its an universal truth.
5.if people stopped arguing for sometime,the earth would be soooooooo peaceful.And soooooooooooo bloody boring.
6. Michael Corleone is the hero of millions all over the world.He is also a fictional character.
7.There’s two ways to get people to do some work for you.One is pay them.Another is double-dare them.
8.Fortune favours the brave.And the beginner,just to make his teacher look foolish.And also the fools because they are the only ones to stupid enough to be brave.
9.Did I mention people are irritating?And also hypocritic,obnoxious and mean as hell.Like me.
10.I am tired.Good night.Have a nice day....or night...whatever...
Sunday, August 16, 2009
It’s 11.30 at night and the streets are empty.
I am stranded alone in this godforsaken city.
There’s no one here except good ol’ me.
Looks like this city died quite sometime back
Everything here though has been left intact.
Down the road,I even found a familiar Big Mac
The houses are all red and the streets are all black.
I find myself wondering how this city died.
Maybe a disease that no one survived.
Or perhaps a nuclear bomb cast it aside
Wonder how I ended up on this city’s inside
But then I stopped wondering where everyone had gone
As It hit me like bricks on my head.
Something that I should have long ago known.
It was not the city it was me who was dead
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
1.4.30 p.m.-that’s when my college ends.
2.ESPN-STAR SPORTS-TEN SPORTS-many people would be devastated if these channels went off air….the sale of anti depressants would shoot up.After all this is where boys find solace from their hitleristic bosses, loathsome jobs, outrageous bills and whining girlfriends.
3.The roadside stalls around the city-Some people (read my mother) say we eat to live not live to eat..yeah sure….as long there is food in front of me anyone can say anything to me.And these are the places which provide plenty of cheap food.
4.Dil se-This show on red fm from 10 p.m.-3 a.m. every Friday has been an old friend.Many a times over the years I have fallen asleep listening to this.Some things stay the same and remind you of your childhood.
5.Adda-The once in a while evening hanging out with friends….and chatting..thats really one of the things that keep us going.Even the biggest of pjs make you laugh then,and you feel grateful to have these friends,
6.Vacation after exams-These excite us so much,that many of us start planning a lot of things to do during this time even before the exams begin.But the vacations make the tedious examinations a little bearable.
7-Computer games-Yeah ok so I am fat and I can’t participate in physical sports.Big deal.I still kill 50-60 terrorists every evening and score 5 goals in one match.Go chew on that!!!
8-Weekends-Phewwwww!!!Some rest from writing those lab reports and finishing those assignments for tomorrow.Ah,to be able to comfortably sit and watch a movie!!!that reminds me-
9,Movies-If you haven’t seen movies you are missing something big.From The Godfather of the past to The Hangover of the present movies really can liven your mood up.
10.And finally-last but never the least-Hope-The hope that tomorrow will be a better terrorism free,reservation free,swine flu free,tax free world is one thing that keeps you going.Even when all the odds are stacked against you,hope is one thing that makes life worth living.
Friday, August 07, 2009
From the time I heard Public Enemies the new Michael Mann movie was starring Johnny Depp and Christian Bale I knew this was going to be huge.I mean here we have two of the biggest cult actors in Hollywood.Depp mainly known for his Captain Jack Sparrow has been given some superb performances( Charlie and the Chocolate factory,Sleepy Hollow,Donnie Brasco) over the years.Christian Bale who became famous as the billionaire playboy crimefighter Bruce Wayne has also some acclaimed performances under his belt.(American Psycho,The Machinist,The Prestige).With these two actors of tremendous potential you have Michael Mann as director who has given some highly enthralling movies like Heat,The Insider,Collateral in the past.So with names such as these associated with Public Enemies expectations were always bound to be sky-high.I know you are thinking that the next sentence will be “But unfortunately the film fails to live up to the expectations.”You are right.It does fail.
Public Enemies is set during the Great Depression.it focuses on the true story of FBI agent Melvin Purvis's attempt to stop criminals John Dillinger, Baby Face Nelson, and Pretty Boy Floyd.I will not reveal the plot so as not to give away the story but just say this-There was every element in the story for this to be a great movie.It has a lot of similarities with one of Mann’s previous works Heat where Pacino and De Niro play the two men on two sides of law.That movie was superb.Where then does this movie fail?
1)The Dialogues-The dialogues are smart,crisp but nothing earth-shattering.Specially the scene between Bale and Depp.That scene required much more dialogues.And the ones used were frankly not good enough.The scene in Heat between De Niro and Pacino had some awesome dialogues.
2)The speed-The speed of the movie never really picked up.Even the actions scenes are not anything awesome,which is to be expected since this is set in 1933.In Heat the break-neck speed was a key factor contributing to the success of the movie.
3)Character Development-I felt both Dillinger and Purvis’s characters were sketchy and under-developed.Especially Melvin Purvis.When you make a movie about two real men a little character development is expected at least.
4)Not much scope for actors to strut their stuff.Johnny Depp is good as Dillinger and he does his best to churn out another noteworthy performance in a limited script.Christian Bale is under-used in the movie.He does what he has been asked to do quite well.But when you have two actors of the calibre of Depp and Bale you have got to use them better.
5)The Ending-I wont reveal the ending here,but I sort of found it a little lame.
When in a cops and robbers movie you cant get the audience to root for either the cop or the robber there is something wrong in the movie.Does it mean that Public Enemies is a bad movie?Not at all.It’s definitely worth a watch.It’s got all the facts correct.And it does display the Dillinger episode accurately.But it could have been a lot better if Mann would have taken some creative liberties.The element of drama is completely absent in the movie.
P.S- Johnny Depp really struggles in the romantic scenes.
|so what do ya think?|
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Knees buckling,standing seems a huge task at present.
A funny feeling in his stomach,
The pancakes at breakfast seem to have come alive
He can hear his heart
It might just burst out of his chest.
The curtains go up
He feels like someone poured cement on his head.
He brings the mic close to his face
Tries to remember what he wrote down
“Opens his mouth but the words just won’t come out”
Perspiring like a criminal taking a polygraph test.
The crowd is getting impatient
His opponent’s arrogant smirk sapping the last of his self-belief.
He begins his first line but the crowd is booing
They don’t wanna hear,they just wanna heckle him
He wishes a lightning from heaven would strike him
He throws down the mic and rushes out of the stage
His dreams burnt to ashes
His months and years of preparation wasted
In a few seconds
And he knows the chance won’t come again.
He enters his room
Everything is just the same
Smell of dinner coming from kitchen
Brother and sister fighting over tv again
He opens a drawer
Finds what he was looking for
Smiles for the first time in the day;
Then points it to his temple and shoots himself.
As the blood around his lifeless body
Forms different ingenious patterns
Everything else still remains the same.
Except for a man and his boyhood dream.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
hum tum--- when harry met sally
sarkar--- the godfather(how dare to compare marlon brando and al pacino with the bacchans)
hey babyy-- 3 men and a little lady
kyon ki..---- one flew over the cuckoo's nest
chak de india-- a league of their own/miracle
ek ajnabee-- man on fire (fully copied)
kayamat-- the rock
dhoom-- fast and furious,ocean's 11
the train-- derailed
akele hum akele tum---kramer vs kramer
maan---an affair to remember
chori chori chupke chupke-- pretty woman
meri yaar ki shaadi hain-- my best frnds wedding
Mujhse shadi karogi-meet the parents and anger management
Chocolate-the usual suspects
Dhamaal-Rat Racxe/Johnny English/Road Trip
God tussi great ho-Bruce almighty
Kyunki main jhoot nehi bolta-Liar Liar
Aitraaz – Disclosure
Baadshah - Nick of Time, Teen Agent, Rush Hour
Baazigar - A Kiss From Dying
Black - The Miracle Worker
Chachi 420 - Mrs. Doubtfire
Dostana - I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Judwaa - Twin Dragons
Koi Mil Gaya - E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
Munna Bhai MBBS - Patch Adams
Raaz - What Lies Beneath
Zeher - Out of Time
Dil hai ki manta nahin-it happened one night
Jo jeeta wohi sikander-breaking away
Rangeela- Win a Date with Tadf Hamilton
Ghulam-on the waterfront
Sangharsh-silence of the lambs
Dhai akshar prem ke-walking in the clouds
Kahin pyar na ho jaaye-the wedding singer
Humraaz-a perfect murder
Kuchh to hai-I know what you did last summer
Bunty aur babli-bonnie and clyde
Deewane huye pagal-there’s something about mary
Rang de basanti-all my sons /jesus montreal
I see you-just like heaven
Bheja fry-diner de cons
U me aur hum-the notebook
Shaurya-a few good men
That covers a lot.I cant go any longer.Next I heard they are making a remake of the prestige,and a remake of forrest gump.If the actor with the maximum number of plagiarised movies in the list is Aamir Khan considered Indiawide as one of the greatest actors of the country,you know there is a big problem with creativity.Respect originality.Not some rip-off.For these movies are nothing more than that.Gotcha!!
|so what do ya think?|
Sunday, July 19, 2009
I cant seem to hang on
My grip seems to be loosening
My muscles are on fire
Screaming to me to give in
Would be so easy to give in
Let go of everything
Oh Blissful Oblivion
Rest me in your lap
I am tired and want to sleep
The night is peaceful
Suddenly a demon appears
His face is a silhouette
His voice is hoarse
“Don’t give up” he screams
His voice cuts like a knife
Brings me back
From my peaceful utopia
Back to this wasteland
Of shattered dreams
I tried to pretend
That the dreams were true
The utopia was real
But now I know better
The dreams are beautiful
They soothe the night
But they are not mine
The nightmares hurt
But they are my real friends
They help me remember
The mistakes I made.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
1.People call me a schizophreniac.So that they can send me to an asylum and usurp my billion dollar fortune.
2.Crime never pays-But crime movies make a helluva lot of money.
3.Perseverence pays…..by the time you reach 65!!!
4.Honesty is the best policy…..And I am King Henry VIII...
5.Homosexuality is God’s strategy to counter excess population.
6.Q-”What’s in a name?”-Shakespeare.
A-You would understand if you lived in the 21st century Kolkata and your name was Nemai Chandra Bhadro.
7. NO ONE understands modern art.
8.EVERY ONE understands modern art.
9.People are narcissistic by default.
10.No matter what,in 100 years you will be dead.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Among the youth of today there is a tendency to indulge in smoking,drinking and taking recreational drugs to be considered “cool”.There is also a misconception that most music bands indulge in these activities.You can say it has become almost fashionable to do these things.But what I would like to say here is that these concepts are absolutely wrong.There is no relation absolutely between music and these degrading habits.The greatest musician in India at present is undoubtedly A.R.Rahman.Does he need to smoke crack to come up with evergreen tunes???NO!!!!The straight edge movement was started by the fans of hardcore punk who believed in this truth.But you don’t have to be a straight edge fan to see how right they are.
Some people indulge in these habits to prove that they are THE men.But real men will never give in to these addictions.Men and women of integrity and character stays away from this.Only people who are mentally very weak and don’t have any willpower give in to such temptations.These habits have wrecked havoc on our society for a long time.Many bright futures have been lost to these filthy habits.Many promising careers have been cut short.And yet people keep surrendering to these filthy habits.And brag about it proudly.These people are the ones who are not only digging their own graves,but they take others down this path with them too.
Then there are other types of people who indulge in these habits to forget their pain.These people are even bigger fuck-ups.They would wallow in self-pity hour after hour rather than doing something constructive.If you have pain,face it.Don’t try to forget it like a coward.Face it and get over it.
I KNOW THIS POST MIGHT ANTAGONIZE MANY OF MY FRIENDS.BUT I BELIEVE IN WHAT I HAVE SAID HERE.AND I STAND BY IT.
Even though I am not a fan of hardcore punk,Yet I will join the straight-edge movement.Join it.Prove to yourself that you are strong.Stay away from these destructive habits.Enjoy life.Live life.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Ever since I attained some maturity I have seen that in our country women and girls are given preference to boys.A girl’s statement holds more value than a boy’s.That’s the way it is.If a girl shouts in the middle of the road-this boy is molesting me-the boy gets a sound beating before he can even say anything.In one stroke of accusation,a person’s good reputation built up over a long period of time can be destroyed.In Shiney Ahuja’s case I would like to bring up the following points-
1.Shiney Ahuja has been testified by all his friends and family to be a nice guy..not at all like you find in the film industry.And a nice guy does not act like this.So why should Shiney?
2.If he is not a nice guy and has fooled his friends all along,it means whatever he may be,he ain’t stupid.He knows what will happen if he does this.So even if he raped her wouldn’t he want to silence her forever?
3.Another question I would like to ask is why would a man with a wife want to rape some-one??That too some-one who isn’t exactly a Katrina kaif?
4.Shiney’s family denied that he admitted to rape.
5.Suppose the maid servant consented to sex at that time…then tried to blackmail him…and when he refused…she went to the police to discredit him…isn’t it possible??
I don’t know if he is guilty or not.MIND YOU,IF HE IS,HE SHOULD BE HANDED CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.PEOPLE WHO COMMIT THESE CRIMES SHOULD BE BURNT DOWN ALIVE…BUT IF AIN’T GUILTY…HE SHOULD GET A PROPER HEARING.The laws in our country are heavily loaded in the favour of women.This needs to be amended.And people shouldn’t come to conclusions sitting so far away.That’s all I am saying.
|so what do ya think?|
Thursday, June 18, 2009
2.Mamata Banerjee-Look,I am not interested in knowing if there is a conspiracy by the Russian and Chinese brothers of the left government here to take over west Bengal.I don’t even want to know if the left are behind each and every bad thing to ever happen in this state,ok?All I know is that I badly need to sleep.I haven’t slept well for quite some time and I am extremely fatigued.SO TURN THAT DAMN LOUDSPEAKER OFF!!!AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY NEIGHBOURHOOD!!!
3.Ramgopal Verma-Yeah,yeah,yeah.We have heard all of your blabbering before Ramu!!You said that Aag will make us forget Sholay….yeah,well it did…but not in the way we hoped!!So here’s a piece of advice-go home,think for a while and don’t come back until something good hits you…not Aag-good…satya-good or sarkar-good…ok??
4.Paris Hilton-This girl once said London is the capital of USA.Ok..i have seen dumb…AND I have seen DUMB…but that takes the cake..
5.Kareena Kapoor-Hi Kareena!!Well you see,in case you don’t remember,Jab We Met was a looooooooooooooong time ago…so stop saying Shahid is gonna use your name for promotion of his movie-and for god’s sake…get that dumb grin off your face,I throw the remote again at the TV,and my dad is gonna kill me.
6.British Media-Okay,first you made a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig deal of your football team….then of your cricket team….Well newsflash for you guys!!!The last time you won anything worth mentioning was 1966…so why don’t you win something and then go blah blah blah???And lay off the Aussies…at least they win…
7.Baba Ramdev-Look mister,nothing personal…but if I were you,I wouldn’t come on tv and give advice…instead of healing people you are making people like me sick…and violent,for that matter.Advice for you-Open a chamber and start a practice.By the way,your physique doesn’t give a very advertisement for your methods.
8.Rakhi Sawant-YOU JUST SHUT UP!!!NO ADVICE NOTHING!!!JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
9.Aamir Khan-Will the real Aamir Khan please stand up?And not the one who thinks he is an intellectual actor and comes up with crappy movies like ghajini and takes potshots of SRK all the time??aah…what the hell…both are equally bad!!
10.Himesh Reshammiya-I don’t know if I got my spelling right…and I am not too bothered to tell the truth.All I want to say is you are not half as bad a music director as you are a singer…I developed an allergy to tandoori after that song of yours….so please,stay away from the mike…and more importantly,stay out of the camera’s field…please!!!
Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddd now-The No.1 yap-yapper who really needs to zip it-
1.Anish Dutta-This good for nothing punk really needs to shut up.Anish,mate my advice to you is remember-A dumb man has no enemies.So put a lid on it.No-one’s interested in your views ok??Spare me the grief!!
Friday, June 12, 2009
How is it that every time someone almost invincible appears to have become the master of the field someone dares to challenge him?Someone who could logically never match them…how is it that these people always pose a threat to the champions…and sometimes even ace them.If you look at history you will see that when Akbar seemed to have gained huge power,there was one man,whose might was nothing compared to him.He was known as Rana Pratap.And yet,despite there being such a huge difference in their powers,Rana Pratap was always a thorn in Akbar’s side.Then there was Shivaji during Aurungzeb’s reign.This time the champion was even more powerful and the challenger even less so.Yet look at what Shivaji attained.No I am not writing this coloumn to glorify our national heroes.If we consider movies,there will be always be a debate between who is the best-Al Pacino or Robert di Nero-Two of the greatest actors ever..and they had to be contemporaries???If you move to cricket you will see the same thing-Sachin Tendulkar had a Brian Lara,Alan Border had a Sunil Gavaskar.
Maybe it is how God plans it.So that no-one can have it easy.And everyone has to earn it.For without Nadal,can Federer truly be the greatest ever?Can Batman be a legend if there was no joker??These guys are intense rivals,and enemies at times-But they have to have each other.That’s what motivates them to give their best,raise the bar-higher and even higher.May these double acts continue to flourish.For without them,life would become extremely boring and predictable.
|so what do ya think?|
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Slim Shady..dont kill me…I was just trying to be “inspired”…believe me…
They say that too much of a good thing is bad,whoever they are…
Well fuck them!!what do they know??get’em out of here…
I say I’ve had enough…enough with this useless life….
Lets finish this forever…lets end this futile strife…
“But anish!what are you saying??you’re gonna commit suicide?”
Big deal…its better to end it here…than to spend the rest of the days trying to hide…
Some sonofabitch screwed me out of my livelihood
“well fuck you man!!go and show him this attitude!!
Don’t take your frustration out on others,anish,you piece of crap
You’re so lost in life that you cant find your way even with a map!!”
Ok..i’ve heard enough…I am gonna shut your mouth for good….
You smug little bastard…you think you’re cool singing “hey jude”?
Yeah well,Paul McCartney and John Lennon..they didn’t have to deal with this shit!!
Take that you gutless swine…I am gonna turn on the heat!!
See how it feels…how it hurts…when I beat the crap outta you…
You’ve given me enough problems…my turn now to give you a few…
“You think you’re a big guy now??beating down a helpless guy??
Well fuck you faggot!!!now you’ve done it!!you’ve given me a swollen eye!!
You and me…we are finished….you can wallow in your mess as long as you like…
Me….I am the heartbreak kid…rapping away with LP’s Mike….”
And that’s how he left me…my conscience…may he burn in hell…that fucking jerk….
And “they” can say what they like…it’s their nature…dogs will bark….
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The following is the list of 10 people who have reasons to be angry or are always angry:
2.SHAH RUKH KHAN-Well,during December he watched helplessly as Aamir Khan stole his thunder (and his limelight) when Aamir’s Ghajini routed his movie Rab ne.Things have been going from bad to worse for him since then as his home production Billu Barbar failed miserably….and then his team KKR(they said they have removed Kolkata from the name…so now I think it stands for Khan Knight Riders) got crushed match after match.So the number 10 spot goes to our very own King Khan for having many reasons to get angry.
3.Christian Bale-This guy is un-fucking-believable.After fucking getting into a load of fucking trouble for fucking beating up his mom,this guy went batshit crazy (pun intended) on the fucking sets of T4 and used the fucking f-word 37 fucking times in 4 fucking minutes.Looks like this guy always finds a fucking reason to lose his cool.He is at number 4.
4.The people of West Bengal-People are either angry for the loss of the Nano,or they are angry for the fiasco in Nandigram.They are also angry at Dada losing captaincy and for KKR losing in the IPL.They are also angry because of job-cuts,power-cuts,increasing rates of hair-cuts.Or they are just angry anyways.
5.Wolverine-He was hoping compete with Batman in term’s of the movies financial success…unfortunately some scum released the movie on torrent long before it hit the screens.As a result,everyone watched it long before it hit the screens.As a result it was beaten by even “Ghosts of girlfriends past” at the box-office.So people,don’t watch the pirated copy.Do you really want this on your conscience??Do you really want a movie like “ghosts of girlfriends past” to win?
6.Politicians all over the world-Because they are the most abused,hated and maligned people in the world.They have even managed to beat lawyers.And that’s really saying something.
7.People whose lives have been affected by terrorists-Those people who haven’t been affected by terrorism won’t know what its like.I feel sorry for the terrorist if he came face to face with a guy who lost a lot because of terrorism.Sorry.I take that back.I don’t feel sorry at all.
8.English People-Despite inventing most of things,their performance in all of them is pathetic.Even their language got raped by the Americans.
9.Eminem-He is always angry as his songs demonstrate.His troubled childhood,and a troubled family life contributed to this.He married the same woman twice.And divorced her twice.Now he is dating her again.His fans don’t seem to care.They think he rocks!!!I am one of his fans.
10.Devdas-He would have been completely pissed off seeing SRK and bhansali’s “devdas”.He would come alive and kill abhay deol if he saw Dev D.
And now ladies and gentlemen.its time to announce the number one.Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the number one is:-
1.GOD-For seeing the world he created become totally screwed up.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Love-I have always avoided this topic.Joked about it.Given idiotic answers while pretending they were witty.But today I want to say what I really think about love.
Love-love is something which gives you a cause for living a purpose for life-more than any war ever can.Love is something which can turn you in a second from the happiest man on the planet to its saddest being.Love can be your strength-as much as it can be your weakness.Love can make your life-or destroy it.I know all these sound corny but it’s the truth about love.It really is an amazing feeling.Only the people who have been in love can know that feeling.The most powerful thing in the world.Love can make you do things which you never knew you were capable of.Love is sweet.Love is painful.Thats what makes it so beautiful.Love is selfless.Love isn’t jealous…stop Anish stop…I am gonna start crying….
But if love is so beautiful then why does love cause so many problems??if love isn’t jealous why are there love triangles which culminate in even murders??Because there-love is overtaken by something else-EGO.It makes a person think-“What??He gets the girl and not me??I am in ways lesser than him.I am going to get her in any way I can.”Ego is jealous.Ego sinks a person to depths he didn’t know he was capable of.
Some of you will say “ok..leave the triangles.Why are there so many break-ups due to mis-understandings?”Again-the answer is EGO.And this is applicable mainly for guys.I AM NOT A FEMINIST.But I have seen in many cases-when a girl is more successful than a guy,the guy starts getting grumpy,making snide comments and becoming VERY VERY bitter-but outwardly showing how happy he is for her.The male ego then becomes stronger than love.And don’t think these cases are exceptional.These cases are the majority.A guy may be very liberal on the outside,but deep down he will always be jealous when his girl is more successful than him.Ego is jealous.Ego is selfish.
I don’t know if you have noticed this in any case but in many cases I have seen that after a girl has dumped a guy,a guy cant get over her for a long time.While a girl gets over very quickly after being dumped.This too is because of-oh no…gotcha this time-this isn’t because of ego.But this isn’t because of love either.This is because he finds it hard to get over a old habit.But finally he does.
I know that many of you might not agree with what I feel.Even many might want to beat me up or hang me upside down.But this is really what I feel.If you dont agree with me that’s your problem.Not mine.
Lastly-even though ego is negative and cause of many a fights and misunderstandings-here is a bad wish-Without those misunderstandings and fights love would become really really boring.
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??GO GIVE THESE PEOPLE YOU LOVE A WARM HUG AND TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM.BRITISH METRIC SYSTEM IS OBSOLETE.SO USE THE MKS ONE.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Patriotism has been dying for quite some time.With the concept of the world becoming a global village,patriotism has been on the vane for quite some time.I mean come on-you could see it.I remember when I was a kid I used to sit and watch India’s cricket matches.Each and every match.EACH AND EVERY BALL.I was afraid to shift my position in the fear that India might lose a wicket.But that was before a man called Sourav Ganguly.Bengal has always been shunted to the side by the western lobby and this man just showed what we can do.Birth of parochialism.This was bound to happen.In a country with 28 goddamn states(very poor in geography…inaccuracy of information regretted) where people of one part have NOTHING in common with the people of another part,this was bound to happen.At first I felt it was only me who lost his patriotism.But then I saw it’s not only me.No-one gives a fuck about this country anymore.But is it without reason that we have become so indifferent??Is it really??NO!!!
We were the ones who believed in INDIA.We were the ones who believed in the sacrifices of Bhagat Singh,Subhash Chandra Bose and the other brave freedom fighters.We dreamt of a better India.An India of equality.We actually believed in those “sovereign,socialist.secular.democratic” crap.Then we found out why our country sucked in the first place.Corruption.CORRUPTION from top to bottom.YEP!!!IN THIS COUNTRY,MONEY TALKS!!But how can you blame the common people??They get paid so less and they have a lot of mouths to feed.The government??Before blaming the governments,remember this:This is a country where our government has to make advertisements to stop female foeticide,infanticide.And yet no equality for girls!!!!How can you blame the government???People say politicians are corrupt.Yes they are.But more than that they are people who have realized that nothing can be done about this fucked-up country.If some one tries to do any good,others will pull them down to their level.And is it just politics??Look at our film industry.Copying movies from the west.Look at our sports.Spending millions on IPL,but not 1 congratulations for world champion Pankaj Advani.YES…we are people who go where there is hype…that’s how a shithole movie like ghajini is a blockbuster and a movie like Mumbai Meri Jaan bites the dust.People blame the brain drain on selfish young people.They say this generation has become selfish.Let me ask them something.WHY THE FUCK SHOULD WE GIVE A DAMN ABOUT INDIA??WHAT THE FUCK HAS IT GIVEN US EXCEPT HARDSHIPS,SHAME,TERROR,RELIGIOUS RIOTS,WAR AND GOD KNOWS WHAT OTHER CRAP??This country is dying.But no,don’t say that!!!Force a smile on your face!!!And say mera bharat mahan.
By the way,nowadays when India plays cricket,I change the channel and watch the ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE.
|so what do ya think?|
Monday, April 20, 2009
I believe that everyone should have their own opinion.
I believe that Clark Kent is more like-able than superman.
I believe that 18 isn’t the age to lose virginity.
I believe that soccer is more popular than Christianity.
I believe that one lifetime isn’t enough for our hopes and dreams.
I believe that people may not always be just as they seem.
I believe our actions alone decide our destiny
I believe that love and hate are more important than money.
I believe that success alone should never decide our fate
I believe Saint Peter is still standing by the Pearly Gate.
I believe we shouldn’t ever believe anything blindly.
I believe that now this song should come to an end finally.
I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned.I believe you cant appreciate real love until you're burned.
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side.
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say good-bye.
|so what do ya think?|
Friday, April 17, 2009
12.00 am-I would declare myself the President of the United States and withdraw troops from Iraq.I would stay at the White House for a couple of hours and enjoy a president’s life…but gotta go…time is short….so I stay here for only 3 hours….ha ha…
3.00 am-I would travel to Hollywood and sign Al Pacino for a tamil film starring Rajnikanth.In the movie Rajnikanth is the hero and Al Pacino is the villain,the leader of the USA army.Rajnikanth fights the entire USA army,navy and air forces with one hand tied behind his back and his blind-folded.Oh yes,he beats them without breaking a sweat.
7.00 am-I would buy all the shares(no financial binding remember?) of Warner Brothers and DC comics.From the next month DC comics will publish a weekly issue of Drona.1st issue guest stars the Batman.Go collect your issue now!!I am sorry…from next month.
10.00 am-I am sitting in J.K.Rowling’s living room.She has agreed to start writing Harry Potter books again.I made her an offer she couldn’t refuse.
12.00 noon-I am having lunch at the Beverly Hills surrounded by Penelope Cruz,Salma Hayek,Monicca Bellucci and Keira Knightley.Mr Tom Cruise are you watching?
2.00 pm -I am here in Italy and have just bought a Ferrari.Michael Schumacher was the salesman.i am taking it to India without the taxes.Now I am going for a test drive.Penelope Cruz is sitting beside me.
5.00 pm-That test drive took a while.Me and Penny we went to the countryside.Stopped the car and enjoyed the scenary.I proposed to her and she said that she has been in love with me,the moment she first saw me.(YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND I SWEAR I AM GONNA BREAK EVERY TEETH YOU HAVE…OR IS IT TOOTH?)
7.00 pm-I am back in India.I have just signed Cristiano Ronaldo for Mohun Bagan.We are gonna thrash East Bengal the next time we play.
9.00 pm-I have completed banning all the television serials in the country.Ekta Kapoor is nearly crying but I ask her to go and make movies.I even give her dvds of a few English movies and albums of a few Pakistani bands from where she can rip off.
11.00 pm-All exams of any university just got cancelled.Guess who’s behind it?
12.00 am- I wake up.Its awfully hot and I am drenched.The open lab copy before me doesn’t look inviting at all.On the computer the news updates show Mohun Bagan has lost their match.
And all of a sudden I feel glad that finally normality is restored.
|so what do ya think?|
Saturday, April 11, 2009
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like… Night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
21. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
22. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happened?"
25. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That ’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates . . it’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
|so what do ya think?|
Monday, April 06, 2009
(I had no intention of torturing you with this.I was merely trying to kill time…no wait…murder time…slaughter time….assasinate time…anyway…I failed…)
Saturday, March 28, 2009
The first requirement of being a maverick is that you have to be crazy.Now by crazy I don’t mean lunatic asylum crazy.You have to get ideas and do things which will make people say “You’re Crazy!!!You have lost it!!!You are off your rockers!!!You have lost your marbles!!!”….ok,that’s quite enough..I hope you get the point.In other words you have to be able to dream impossible….and be stupid enough to try it.
The second most important point is you have to be unconventional.You have to do things,others wont dream of doing.Suppose you get an rank 30 in the IIT’s….and you enroll for English honours.YES!!!THAT MUCH CRAZY…TAKE THE UNCONVENTIONAL ROUTE….THATS WHAT A MAVERICK DOES.
Mavericks are born,not made.You can’t become a maverick.Because taking the unconventional route will not strike you unless you are a maverick.People laugh at mavericks because they are different.Mavericks laugh at people because they are all the same.
Last but not the least,A maverick is the very best at what he does.He is the damn best….otherwise in this cut-throat world..he wont survive taking the alternative route.But if you are a maverick,you will be the best.You know why?Because you enjoy what you are doing….the fear of failure disappears from your mind.You give a damn to rules.HELL A MAVERICK PLAYS THE GAME BY HIS OWN RULES.!!!HE REWRITES THE RULES OF THE GAME!!!
There are a lot of mavericks around us.In cricket you see this guy called Virender Sehwag.He hit technique and footwork out of the park for a six.The experts are perplexed.They don’t know how their theories could be wrong.But that’s what a maverick does.He wipes the smirk right off their smug faces.He brings them down from their high horses and prove them wrong.
Another guy is the director Anurag Kashyap.He refused to take the formula masala bollywood route..And he also refused to take the “look-i-am-rituparno-ghosh-and-I-make-intellectual-movies” route as well..It resulted in movies with great cinematic values which have become hugely popular with the masses.
All in all….all I want to say is….MAVERICKS RULE!!!!!ALL HAIL THE REBELS!!!!
|so what do ya think?|
Monday, March 23, 2009
Yesterday I watched a movie called “A Wednesday” where a common man fed-up with the hopelessness of things around him,decides to take things into his own hands and gives the terrorists who have ended countless lives a fitting reply.During the climax of the movie he refers to himself as the “stupid common man”.This movie touched me a lot and got me thinking about the common man.
Firstly who is a common man??Practically anybody Irrespective of caste,creed,nation,religion,states, financial status.The common man is the most abundant creature on this earth.Each and everyone of us is a common man.Just another face in the huge and vast crowd.
That wasn’t a very convincing definition of a common man-isnt that right??Let me think…let me think…
Oh wait.How about this one??
A common man is the most exploited class of the society.He depends on everybody….and he is afraid of everybody….he depends on his employers for his livelihood….and they exploit him…even when he knows he is right…he cant fight back…because he cant afford to….he has a family back home…
When some political hotshot wrongs him,he cant fight back…but accepts it as a part of life….because he cant fight back…his life would be hell….he cant go to the cops…because he knows they are allied with the political leaders….his life would be hell….
The banks exploit him….they charge absurd interests on his loans….and he better pay up…or else the bank’s pet goons are gonna make life hard for him…..
Even education is not cheap….if he cant cough up the dough….his children can do without education….
The recession begins….and they are the ones worst affected by it…even those who escaped the cut…they are afraid that it may be their turn next…
The common man…what a strange race of people….with such a lot of threats they should be worried and depressed…yet look at them…..
They aren’t afraid…..they are happy with what they have….with so many forces crushing them down…they would have been dead and buried by now….yet look at them….they are still going strong….stronger than ever…..and they wont give up…
They are the ones who engineered every revolution in the past…when the tyranny became unbearable they are the ones who rose in arms….and restored order by using chaos…..
We are living in the worst possible times….when humanity has reached the lowest point….when struggle for existence is the main priority of life….
Yet the common man is not worried…Because he knows…however tough the going gets….he will be back…he always is….and he will bring judgement…..the stupid,ordinary,struggling,afraid,ever-smiling common man…..
|so what do ya think?|
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Well,firstly let me make it clear.I am not a romantic or sensitive person.I don’t read romantic novels and sigh…or watch romantic films and cry.Now before you people,who are romantic start hurling abuses at me-let me tell you I don’t think that being romantic is wrong or anything.I am not the type..that’s just it.That is the reason I am writing this…whatever it is I am writing.I want to understand what love is.
For finding out I conducted a survey among various people from various paths of life.Here are the results:
Kalyan,my friend who studies in IIT Kharagpur said “Love is an obsession you have with a pretty girl…who has rejected you…and it lasts until you meet the next pretty girl.So basically true love doesn’t exist.”Maybe this is the point of view of a single guy.
Rudraneel the actor said “Kabiguru (!!!!) Nachiketa has said-bhalobasha mane pituitary-r khela…amra bokara boli prem(love is the game of our pituitary glands..we fools call it romance).”That’s right,go ahead-blame it on the hormones…..
Sumit ,another friend,says “love is all about sacrifices….”wow…that must mean it hurts a lot…so if such a lot of people fall in love all the time…they must be damn stupid….or maschoists….
Rahul,yet another friend,says “love isn’t about sacrifices-its about keeping that special someone happy….”yeah right.i wonder if he will love his girlfriend if she dumps him and finds happiness with another boy…
Surinder Sahni thinks love is about seeing god in someone…
So this survey shows that people have varied ideas on what love is….and rather than providing me with an answer it confused me even further….to get a clearer picture I took the help of movies and watched some romantic movies over the next few days.
I didn’t get any answer but I did develop an aversion towards any sort of romantic movies or novels or songs for some time after that.To help me relax I started playing Fifa and Cricket 08.Man,these games just seem to get better….you can sit with them for hours at a stretch…and yet never get bored…I just love these games….
Hang on-what did I say??I just love these-
I have got my answer.I now know what love is.Here’s my definition of love-
Love is something which gives you happiness and enjoyment.When you love something or someone you never get bored of that person….or thing.I love games and comics.My friend swarnali loves chocolates…this is what love is….ha ha ha….
OH HELL….BABEL MISSES THE GOAL AGAIN…GODDAMN PROGRAMMING…..HEY GUYS….SEE YA LATER….I GOT SOME LOVE TO DO….
|so what do ya think?|
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Ok this is what happened.I never attend Maths classes in college.I mean its not that I hate maths(basically there is nothing to hate about maths….its a very lovable subject…if you hate it…it means you suck in maths)I just hate the teacher and the way she teaches.I still remember the 1st day I attended her class.She droned on for 90 DAMN MINUTES FOR GOD’S SAKE!!that day I told myself-I wont attend her classes and if any of my friends does…I will make that person my sworn enemy and do everything to make his life miserable..I mean come on…some teachers are horrible but damn gorgeous!!This one looks like Suniel shetty if he put on 40 more kilos and wore a sari.So you can see that I was very much right to bunk her class.
But you know there is a Bengali proverb-“shukhe thakte bhuute kiloy”….literally meaning that when you are happy a ghost punches you…but basically meaning that when there is no problem in your life you yourself invite it.So today morning I had gone to college…bunked the class,and sat down for a game of cards(ok…ok….OK….I know they don’t let me play coz I am a horrendous player…but I sit with them everyday ok??) when suddenly I had an attack of conscience…I will refer to my conscience as Anish idiot and myself as anish….here is the conversation between us…
ANISH IDIOT:HEY YOU….WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING??
ANISH:WHO IN THE BLOODY GREEN WORLD ARE YOU??
AI:I AM YOUR GODDAMNED CONSCIENCE…
A:HEY ARE YOU ALLOWED TO SWEAR?
AI:I AM YOUR CONSCIENCE NOT SOME GODDAMN PRIEST…AND YOU DIDN’T ANSWER ME…WHAT ARE YOU DOING??
A:CANT YOU SEE OR ARE YOU BLIND AS WELL AS DUMB??I AM TRYING TO GET RONY TO GET UP SO THAT I CAN PLAY IN HIS PLACE…
AI:YOU HAVE BEEN TRYING THAT FOR THE LAST 6 MONTHS WITHOUT SUCCESS….MAYBE IF YOU USED THAT TIME TO STUDY YOU WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY MANAGED TO AVOID THE SUPPLI….
A:OH YOU JUST HAD TO BRING UP THE SUPPLI DIDN’T YOU??DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN THERE IS IN MY LIFE??DID YOU KNOW-
AI:HERE HE GOES AGAIN…1 CHANCE…NO…JUST HALF A CHANCE AND HE IS STARTED…HEY I KNOW YOUR TRAGIC STORY OK…MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONSIDER SELLING IT TO A TOLLYWOOD FILM-MAKER….YOU COULD HAVE A SUPERHIT POTBOILER “JIBONER DUKKHO BAROI SUKKHO”(THE PAIN OF LIFE IS VERY SUBTLE) WITH PROSENJIT ACTING IN YOUR ROLE....
A:WHAT YOU DARE TO MAKE FUN OF ME???DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN-
AI:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH…….YOU KNOW YOU ARE MORE LETHAL THAN OSAMA AND DAWOOD PUT TOGETHER….YOU CAN JUST BORE A PERSON TO DEATH……ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TELL THEM YOUR PAINFUL STORY…OVER AND OVER AGAIN…AND AGAIN….AND AGAIN….
A:JUST GET TO THE POINT OK??HOW COME YOU REMEMBER ME AFTER SUCH A LONG TIME….I MEAN THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU WAS IN CLASS 10….WHEN YOU WERE TO TRYING TO RUIN MY EXAM BY STOPPING ME FROM COPYING….
AI:YEAH THOSE WERE THE GOOD DAYS….REMEMBER THE TIME I MADE YOU CONFESS THAT YOU STOLE AND ATE TWO EGGS FROM THE FRIDGE…OH THE SPANKING YOU GOT….
A:HEY,HEY,HEY IF YOU ARE HERE TO RUB SALT…..
AI:OH NO NO NOT AT ALL….I AM HERE TO HELP YOU….
A:HOW…ARE YOU EVEN SOLID??IF NOT THEN HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GONNA GIVE RONY A KICK UP HIS BACKSIDE??
AI:NO I AM NOT HERE TO GIVE HIM A KICK UP HIS BACKSIDE…I AM HERE TO HELP YOU REDISCOVER YOUR PRIORITIES…..
A:HEY IF YOU THINK YOU CAN SOUND SERIOUS BY USING DIFFICULT WORDS….THEN YOU ARE MISTAKEN MY FRIEND….
AI:YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY???YOU THINK YOUR FATHER GOES TO WORK EVERYDAY AND WORKS HIMSELF OFF SO HIS SON CAN HAVE A NICE TIME SITTING ON HIS BACKSIDE PLAYING CARDS??YOU KNOW HOW MUCH DAMN MONEY HE SPENDS ON YOU AND HOW HARD HE WORKS TO EARN IT???DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE SACRIFICES JUST SO YOU CAN HAVE A GOOD EDUCATION???YES YOU DO!!!YES YOU DO!!!AND YOU DON’T CARE!!!YOU CHOOSE TO IGNORE IT!!!
A:I…I DIDN’T MEAN TO…I MEAN…I TRY TO….I AM SORRY…..YOU ARE SO VERY RIGHT….I AM REALLY SUCH A BAD BOY…..
AI:OH NOW DON’T START WHINING AGAIN…JUST GO AND ATTEND YOUR CLASS….
A:YES OF COURSE…..
And after that I came to attend the maths class.While doing the class there was a feeling of elation in my heart.I am finally doing it….I am finally getting my priorities right….I am-
“ROLL NO 7-ANISH DUTTA!!!”
I stood u and responded-“Yes Ma’am”…
“Well according to my attendance register this is your first class…did someone hold a gun to your head and send you to attend this class?”(chorus of laughter from my idiotic classmates).
And then I saw him….Mr Anish Idiot… standing behind that fat ma’am(yeah yeah..i know I am fat too)….and laughing the hardest….how I hate this &^%$#@!!!
But at least for 1 day…if only for 1 period….50 minutes…he gave me some hope of redemption….
|so what do ya think?|
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
The time-7.30 in the evening.
The main character of our story-if you think this to be an imaginary piece of fiction –is a boy in his early 20s.He isn’t what you will call good-looking.Nowadays when you want to say that someone isn’t good-looking,you say his looks are unconventional.So I guess you can say this boy’s looks are unconventional.Although the boys looks have nothing to do with this story still it is conventional(pun intended) to give the protagonist’s description before you begin.
So our protagonist is sitting in front of a computer.A movie is playing there and although he is staring at it,his attention seems to be elsewhere.You can tell this by the way he keeps looking at the wall-clock every few minutes and fidgets restlessly.As if he is expecting something to happen.Or it could be that he expected something to happen and it hasn’t happened yet-I wouldn’t know…you see…I am just a spectator like you.
The clock strikes 8.The boy gives up on the movie as a bad job.He stretches and gets up.He moves over to his desk.A bunch of thick books lay there carelessly strewn over the place.He looks at them and a for a second there is a shade of guilt in his eyes.His exams begin in a week and he really should be sitting poring over these books instead of waiting for who-knows-what.Don’t ask me how about his exams.Narrators know about these things ok?
He looks at the watch and makes a gesture of impatience.As if it is somehow the clock’s fault.He again goes and sits down at the computer and plays a song.Its a song that is as slow as his narrative and as sweet as a piece of Choco Alaska from Sugar and Spice.Somehow it manages to calm him down.He closes his eyes as if listening to the song.
He hurriedly opens his eyes and realizes he had fallen asleep.The clock says 9.27.
“Damn it!!” he mutters under his breath as he jumps up from his chair.He moves towards his cell phone and checks it.It says “1 unread message”.His pulse rate increases as he opens the message.It reads-
“Bring out the beer bottles dude.I have the question paper.call me in 10 min-Vivek”
He heaves a sigh of relief.
He pulls on a sweater and goes out.Reaches a phone booth-After all he cant use his own phone for this.Too risky.He dials a number-“Hello Lake Police Station?The question paper for the 1st exam of AGC University has been leaked-….”
He hates doing this.After all Vivek is his friend.But he has no option.Vivek is also his biggest competition this year-and he has to win this time….
|so what do ya think?|