This is the second part of A Kolkata Tale.You can read the first part of A Kolkata Tale here- A Kolkata Tale
Amit’s diary-
08 February 4 am
It’s 4 am in the morning and I’m up writing.I am usually a late sleeper but I found it very difficult-scratch that-impossible to sleep last night.Usually when I am up all night it’s usually watching a game of soccer or doing work stuff.But last night-well last night I just couldn’t sleep.Would you believe that?So many years gone by man and I still can’t help remembering her on this day.Maybe I wouldn’t have if I didn’t run into her last year with that Hrithik Roshan look-alike toy wonder arm-candy of hers.But still,Hrithik or no Hrithik I shouldn’t be thinking of her.Not today.Not after so many years.Heh.Maybe if I had the brains I could have opened some hotshot website in the aftermath of her pain and become a billionaire by now and had a movie made on me.Maybe I should call her.Like right now.Tell her I miss her.No no get a grip on yourself you moron.Don’t even think about that.Are you nuts?She is happy in her life now why do you wanna spoil that?Isn’t it enough you hurt her badly once?I am gonna go get some sleeping pills now.Try and sleep it off.Maybe if I am lucky tonight’s the night I will OD and it will all end.
08 February 12 noon
Ok that was weird.I finally fell asleep and dreamt that I had become a footballer.A striker at that.I was approaching the empty net with the ball at my foot but when I kicked it,it went out over the post.And I suddenly heard her voice calling from the gallery-“You are a failure.You have let me down.” Soon she was joined by my friends in the gallery,my teachers and many people I knew.They were all chanting “Failure!” at me.I tried to run but no matter how hard I ran I was rooted to the spot.And they were getting closer.Kinda like zombies.Just then I woke up sweating all over.Wow that was just like a sequence out of Federico Fellini movie.Surreal.Damn I really gotta get her out of mind.Maybe I should call her.Clear things up.No no NO!!!Things like those happen only in movies.That too crappy bollywood movies.Damn I so hate that Hrithik Roshan wannabe!He could open a business.Hrithik Roshan-stealing girlfriends since 2000.DAMN I CAN’T BELIEVE I SOUND SO CHEAP!Well fuck it.Am off to see if there’s something to eat in the fridge.
08 February 4 pm
Well that was time well-spent.What a fuck-all movie!Why do they even bother making movies like this?And no sir it didn’t help me take my mind of her like Aniket suggested.Aniket is a good friend isn’t he?I mean he’s an absolute idiot but he’s got his heart in the right place and that’s what counts I guess.He won’t dump me surely.Or won’t he?Nowadays I can’t be sure.Okay that was kinda gay.Not that I have anything against gay people.Damn I am really going into a melodramatic overdrive.I really should call her.Maybe in the meantime I can auction off my self-respect and dignity as well.But what’s self-respect and dignity in case of love?Nothing,nothing I tell you,nothing!Ok seriously I don’t think I love her.I guess Woody Allen was right.This really is painful because she’s unattainable.Yes I truly want to be a member of the club which doesn’t want to have ,me.I am neurotic now.I know.Off.
08 February 10 pm
Ok seriously I shouldn’t even be writing at this point.I have been drinking for an hour and things seem very shaky all around.Like I’m on a ship.Aniket fell asleep talking about the numerous flings he had recently.Sometimes I envy him.I wish I could be like that.I once met a couple of Ani’s lady “friends”.To use Sheldon Cooper’s expression-dumber than a bag of rocks.Maybe I shouldn't judge.After all,what am I?I guess I am not calling her tonight.I might.I don’t think I will be in complete control of my faculties for long the rate at which I am drinking.Anything that happens after that I am not responsible for.Well that’s it I guess.Signing off now.
“You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line”
-Johnny Cash,”I walk the line”
11 comments:
awesome...u cn write a goddamn book on this plot and i mean this :)
It seems every year you get the urge to write something on this topic. If you want you can continue with the series. We'd like to get to the end of this. :)
I won't console you for this, not in that mood either... so what happens if your loved one is on the brink of getting married huh??
neways... brilliant display of emotion.. good work...
your alter ego's diary reflected a glimpse of my life..so touched and moved...u really reminded me of the pain, the agony and it seemed i could feel the emotional turmoil AMIT faced!
Very well-written man... I dun wanna give any gyaan but I was at Amit's place for 4 L-O-N-G years. It's a hurting place. My heart was bound with 2 big chains: Loneliness and Boredom. They made me do stupid, dumb things.
Emotions are good but some emotions that are not congenial for growth, for life must be avoided. They are like a down-ward vortex that one has to avoid as he sails thru life.
@ankit-I am afraid this as an entire book would be boring and headache-inducing.I mean who would care about such things?
@samadrita-Well I wrote this on impulse-I am not really good with endings so don't know how to end the series.So there. :)
@soumya and santanuda-I know guys.This is the story of many-a-lives.I have seen many friends of mine suffer like this.I guess people have to just accept it and move on-that's the best that can be done.
only Santanu not Da...my surname is Ghose ;-)
i thought it was nice but could have been more moving. Sometimes i coulnot help feeling the narrator was being smart but not too expressive.
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